All commentary quotes by author
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** Various commentators **
- “What you have here is a clear inversion of the typical horror thriller male/female roles. Try to think of another horror film that features the male lead on the phone to his girlfriend begging her to save him from the killer.”
- “Why are you blowing a kiss to One-Eyed Willy? ... That dude was obviously one of the most horrific pirates in history. He had all that money and killed everybody he worked with...!”
- “I like how he can smell ice cream thru a solid freezer door. That's just how Chunk rolls.”
- “See, now, I thought that dog died. ... Uhh, that was a different dog. Oh a different dog that looks exactly the same. ... Maybe it had a twin. Oh sh**. There's your surprise ending, guys.”
- “This is the sequence of the wheelchair. This is an amazing sequence. This is one of my favorite kills of the entire series of films. ... Oh! And then he rolls backwards down the stairs with the f***in' machete in his head!”
- “That's actually why he joined the NRA, 'cause of this movie. No no no. He said 'I'm never walking alone without a gun. 'cause there might be an ape around.' ... I read that in an interview.”
- “We saw the Statue of Liberty ... and [my dad] goes, 'The torch is the weakest part of that thing. That would have fallen off first.' [laughter] He's a practical man. He is! He's a metallurgist.”
- “How many of these people of historical significance does Missy hit on? Uh, probably all of them. [laughter] She does like her older men.”
- “Who wrote this movie? I hope he got the Nobel Peace Prize. Soleil Moon Frye. Punky Brewster? Yes. She would've been like 10. Exactly.”
- “Oh, it's a goat. Why did they bother putting lipstick and a bikini [on it]? ... Oh, nothing better to do with their time.”
- “So where's Dr. No's assistant, Nurse Maybe? [laughter] I haven't seen her yet. I don't think you're gonna see her. She's next to Nurse Sometimes. She shacked up with Dr. Yes.”
- “He kills 'cause he has to. He doesn't like it. ... He takes advantage of women who lie to him. That's what he enjoys.”
- “You know it's on when the nerd drops the specs. And the nose flare. Was that a CGI nose flare? ... They paid $200,000 for that effect.”
- “[female voice] I love everything about this Doc Oc. ... Even the man-boobs? Especially the man-boobs. I love me some double-D guy-boobs.”
- “These scenes were shot in the [King's Dominion] general manager's office. ... And it still looks like that too. And the guy wearing those checkered pants is still there.”
- “Now look: 2308. That's the 23rd floor, right? Watch how fast Timothy Bottoms makes it across the street— [laughter] —and up 23 floors to watch these guys. He's in an all-out sprint right now to get across.”
- “When Hef was there in 1979, shooting that made-for-TV movie, he also did a spread with the Playboy bunnies. So ... you can see the bunnies on all these rides.”
- “Peter cryin' again. ... Aunt May's not cryin'. C'mon, she was married to the guy, and she's over him. She took it very well. She's movin' on.”
- “I think Kirsten needs to invest in a better bra. She's a bit saggy there. [laughter] She returns it later. That's why when they're in the rain, it's gone.”
- “Get out! Take your wok and run. [laughter] Ha ha. 'Take your wok and run.' I am a funny guy.”
- “Can we blast the monkey rewiring the Batmobile? Yes. ... No, because that's like many mechanics. Heyo! Dude! ... Wait, it's a grease-monkey!”
- “Why was there a gas [canister] in the wall? Uh.... Uh.... Yeah.”
- “An hour-and-a-half of exposition, and then [the ending] Whoa! ... Little spoiler alert, please! Oh, I'm sorry. ... They all live happily ever after in Candy Cane Lane House. Are there bunnies?”
- “Why would you slap him in the face when you know he may have a neck injury? His f***in' spine is severed! ... Somebody kick him in the nuts!”
- “Look how hot she is, dude. That's how I look when I sleep. In your white lace sheets.Yes. Except a little hairier. And you smell like corndog batter.”
- “In every Batman movie, he gives up his biggest secret to some piece of trim. [laughter] So are you saying that his piece of trim in this movie is Chris O'Donnell?”
- “Is he obsessed with Sherilyn Fenn? Yes. ... Where did he see her? At a bar once. But that was the naked lady. ... That he imagined in his head. No that was his mom. No. Are we all confused already?”
- “[Bill Paxton] is the only person to be killed by a terminator, an alien, and a predator. That is awesome, Bill Paxton, you f***in' hero! [Disputed]”
- “If you go back in time and change the future, you're not really changing the future, because the second future that you make is still the first future that still happened. I just hate time travel movies.”
- “One thing I don't like about this movie? ... I don't remember them talking about [Marty's] truck. What?! ... They talk about the truck. It's a major plot point. It's a character! You care about the truck!”
- “So what part of the beginning was cool? ... When all the balls flew into the office, and the ninjas came out. That was it? I was hopin' it would be like 20 minutes worth. No, no, no, no. I was just talking about 30 seconds.”
- “Luckily, there was a scientist for every one of the ninjas, so he had somebody to kill. Yes. That would have been so awkward if there wasn't.”
- “[telephone rings] Phone's ringin'. ... I hope it's a good movie. ... 'Hey, Darren, this is Die Hard. Can I come over?'”
- “[as implanter] I'm going to plant naked images of myself in your brain. Tell me if you like them. Here's casual me.... Here's me at Universal Studios next to Shrek. Isn't he tall? ... Ooh, ooh. Here's me at the beach.”
- “So she kidnapped him to get to the father? Yes. Who's really kidnapping who in that scene? Aww, kidnapped her heart.”
- “Uh, dudes, I'm likin' this movie. ... Give it some time, Darren.”
- “This movie is lit like a commercial.”
- “Is his name 'Captain Kirk'? Yes. ... You missed that joke earlier? ... They called Clint Howard 'Spock.' Get it?”
- “Did they steal this scene from Fraggle Rock? ♫ Down in Fraggle Rock! ♫”
- “What do you think he's actually hitting? I would say... Melissa Rivers.”
- “[as re-capitated Horseman] Ah, so that's what you guys look like.”
- “[gasp] A pentagram! ... [as Ichabod] Obviously, this magical symbol was drawn by a girl. Notice the long eyelashes and the pink coloring!”
- “[as Leia] Speed up! I think we can clip him if we get close enough. ... If Chewie clips [Luke]—he's a Jedi—he's worth a hundred points.”
- “Don't you think he would have just caused total mass chaos by what he just said there? 'I advise everybody to leave!' 'Ahh!' ... Even the air traffic controllers. There are all these colliding ships above the city....”
- “What do you think they did to Princess Leia? ... Torture her? ... I can't imagine them doing anything to her, 'cause she would be in pain too. ... They showed her her future Hollywood career? [multiple voices] No!!”
- “[as Vader, blocking Han's shots] Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Let me just take that. That really hurt.”
- “I want Alan Rickman to give me insults before I die. [laughter] I want him to come in on my deathbed ... and just Hans Gruber me, you know? ... Did you just coin a new term? Gruber me?”
- “It's about to get historic: the introduction of the stereotypical, over-the-top, geek computer hacker started with this film.”
- “I've never actually had the delicacy of dates. Is it— What is it? Dating is okay, Spot. [laughter] Not dating, you jackasses! ... I've been on some dates that are delicacies.”
- “This reminds me so much of my mother. ... Take a drink and then hit someone over the head with a flaming log. That's mom.”
- “Oh, wow. I have seen part of this movie. I recognize that thing on his forehead. It was a number, Lee. You probably see them all the time. [laughter] Yeah, but not usually flaming on someone's forehead!”
- “Jake Busey. ... Again, psycho: not such a stretch. Look at the gene pool he came from.”
- “An animal tells me not to eat it, on general principle I think I will.”
- “I love the [painted] eyes, then he opens his eyes. ... But the bug on his nose kind of bothers me. ... A contest winner from Mrs. Johnson's third grade class got to paint his nose.”
- “What a killer performance, right here. I love how she just nails Aunt May. ... I don't want to nail Aunt May.”
- “I'd take the f***in' house. Even with the Hive in the basement. Hive full of zombies? Ehhh. Use it to entertain the neighborhood kids.”
- “♫ Up there, there is so much room, where babies burp and flowers bloom. ♫ Here's my guilty confession. I actually sang this for a drama competition. Wow!”
- “I like the fact that they can take crude bathroom humor ... and turn it into a serious social commentary that makes you stop and think. Exactly. I really like that— 'Ass power!'”
- “Next to the midgets—they frighten me—the other thing in this world that frightens me... is tampons. They, ohhh. I can hook you up with both. ”
- “Who's the big horny guy? Oh, that's me.”
- “Oh my god! Th— Th— The saxophone! Even the saxophone is neon! Shhhhumacher!”
- “What was this supposed to be? A biker gang or, like, a death cult? Uh, I think the cast of Cats.”
- “At this point, you know that Max Shrek is not making it out of the movie, right? Oh, right, yeah. 'Cause he saw [Bruce's] face? It's like, oh, Max is dead.”
- “My friend—who's like 6 or 7 at the time—[told me], 'And then the penguins raised him.' And I just accepted that. Then when I'm older, I'm like, 'Wait a minute. That doesn't make sense!'”
- “The Joker's supposedly so in love with Vicky Vale. But all he really does is insult her. ... Treat 'em mean and keep 'em keen, Josh.”
- “You know, like, the choreography? They must have rehearsed this. You can see the Joker in his suit goin' 'All right guys, no one's going to bed until we get this right. Show time's tomorrow.'”
- “They say 'What shall we do with the Penguin? ... Well, let's find out what his game is.' And Adam West just turns around and says, 'What's your game, Penguin?' [laughter] ... The king of subtlety.”
- “In that orange dress, [Catwoman] looks bit like a good-looking version of Velma from Scooby-Doo.”
- “At least they're in that sweet motor home. Yeah. This is like About Schmidt. [laughter] It is. Arnold should put some gnomes on the top of the— He should get some Hummel. [laughter] With his proof-of-purchase certificates.”
- “You know what I love about the future in these movies? What's that? There's always something on fire. [laughter] If you're cold in the future, in a Terminator movie, you're all right. 'Cause there's a fire ... everywhere.”
- “On Deadly Ground ... turns into An Inconvenient Truth at the end. ... Don't you love that part in the middle, tho, where he goes to ... an Indian reservation and— He hallucinates, and there's boobs and sh**? Yeah!”
- “If someone put a meat cleaver in your hand ... would you not [remove it]? Well, aren't you not supposed to do that? Because— It'll bleed more. ... You're just supposed to hang out...? I'm not a doctor.”
- “What nationality is [Maggie Q]? Hot. ... What does the Q stand for? Is it like, what's that dude...? Mc G. ... Mc G and Maggie Q need to get married, so her name is ... Maggie McG-Q.”
- “[John McClane] is like the Bruce Springsteen of action heroes. ... Why isn't Bruce Springsteen in this movie? ... [He] could play John McClane in part five. ... He should be John McClane's brother.”
- “Why doesn't John Woo make movies like this anymore? ... If John Woo made this movie, tho, it would have been, like, 20 minutes longer because of all the slow motion.”
- “This is why he is better than you or I: 'cause we would leave the baby and run. Yeah, but look, he thinks about it... Maybe he knew there would be a sweet adventure coming if he took it.”
- “Should we start this out? ... All right! Back to the Future: starts! No, no, wait. ... People need to have a countdown to be ready. Okay, ready? Fine. 1000. 999. 998. ... Okay, I'm gonna edit some of this out.”
- “Now we come to [casting the remake's] Doc Brown, and I'm gonna blow your mind with this one. You ready? William Shatner. No. Crispin Glover. Um, yeah. My mind's still firmly attached. I don't know how.”
- “I like that the movie theater becomes a church. ... Because it shows how much we've fallen from grace since the 1950s. Back in the 1950s, we realized that movies were really important. And now it's all Jesus.”
- “I wonder how he loses his eye. ... The old guy, from Young Indiana Jones. What old guy? The old, like 90-year-old Indy. Dude, I hated that show. ... If you want— I don't!”
- “Hey, Melissa, don't come into this room right now, because you'll see something you don't want to see. ... That didn't sound good, did it? [laughter] Yeah. I should go out and ... show that everybody in here is still wearing pants.”
- “Oh, I remember this scene from the DVD menu. [laughter] Remember the DVD menu? Yeah.”
- “I want to get a bag ... with a picture of him on it. I don't get it. Oh, because he's Toht? Yeah! Oh! ... It'd be a Toht bag! I know. I gotcha. I gotcha.”
- “There's Alfred Molina. ... What's his character's name in Magnolia? It's the same name twice. ... Roger Roger? No. Sirhan Sirhan? No. Taco Taco? Soloman Soloman.”
- “[Doctor's visual recognition system] There you go: "Krafayis", for people who want to know how it's spelled. Has it got the words "DON'T PANIC" on the front of that?”
- “Young sexy girl in dark corridor. Oh yes. I never really fancied her that much, tho. She's got a bit of squirrel face.”
- “If you make a huge action movie, ... people [will] see it in theaters. ... Unless you have a really expensive home theater system, which in eastern Kentucky they don't allow us. ... They're confiscated with our toothpaste. ... And our deodorant.”
- “I don't blame this guy. He's gonna try and molest [Sarah Conner]. I'd do it too. [pause] That's an interesting choice, tho, i'n't it? To lick her face? Yeah. That's a li'l odd.”
- “Robert Patrick's hair sorta looks like James Dean. ... He kinda does! ... When they were designin' the T-1000s in the future, they wanted 'em to look like James Dean. ... They should've designed 'em to look like Carrot Top.”
- “Now, these guys are actually real Pittsburgh police officers, and that's— Those are real dogs.”
- “Tell them what this is they're eating, 'cause that really bears repeating. It is yummy, 'cause it's cooked ham and chocolate syrup. Mmmm. Just like Mom used to make.”
- “[Shot of corpse of guy who kept making trumpet noises] [trumpeting 'Taps']”
- “Ah, shirtless solitaire. Otherwise known as 'Friday night.' ... [as Brian] I hate playin' strip solitaire by myself.”
- “She's sitting on the wrong side of the desk, isn't she? The drawers are on this side. That's one of those old arm-wrestling desks, you could sit across from— Oh! With drawers on both sides, for arm wrestling.... Wait. What?”
- “What's an artificial brain? It's a toy... with macaroni and sparkles on it. [laughter] It's got a little bell on it. That's awesome! Yeah. I remember makin' those in school.”
- “I feel like a deadbeat dad at a high school play. I already don't wanna be here.”
- “[Jonathan Scott-Taylor] is just the right level of creepy, as well. ... He's just that sort of creepy kid, tho, that you would like to have around just in case of sh*t happenin'. ... That sort of calm kid under pressure....”
- “This is a very specific book he's got as well: 'Blood and Bone Marrow Cells of the Jackal.'”
- “Classic line from the music video. ... On Brian Blessed's tombstone it's gonna be: 'Brian Blessed / Gordon's alive?!'”
- “[as Flash] Look, you literally told me how to fly this thing about 45 seconds ago. I don't feel sufficiently qualified to be able to have sex and fly it at the same time.”
- “He was Porkins?! ... Blimy! He's lost weight! 'Cause Porkins was enormous in Star Wars. I always imagined that Porkins actually basically had to sit there whilst they built the X-Wing around him, he was so fat.”
- “Even if you were someone else to begin with, and you sort of had your mind erased and become a different person, is that person entitled to that life or the person that was before him?”
- “I mourn the passing of model work. Please bring it back. It's better than any sh** CGI can do. And you can f***ing quote me on that.”
- “This scene here: she's in disguise. Why? There are giant robots right behind her! [laughter] Also, she removes the disguise in the next shot.”
- “Oh, here it is. 'We can't read.' ... But no one realized this could possibly be racist. They only look like monkeys, talk like blacks, and have gold teeth—and they can't read.”
- “[as Chewie] I'm not even gonna get a medal am I? You know why? 'Cause he didn't do a damn thing! If we're gonna talk about it, Han flew the thing and shot the lasers. ... Chewie was the damn co-pilot!”
- “By the way, go to Google, type in "moon of Mimas". ... You'll see ... an actual moon in our solar system that looks like the Death Star. ... That's no moon. That's a space station.”
- “This computer that he's going to be hacking the alien mothership with would have been running ... System 7.5. The new features ... included drag-and-drop, TrueType fonts, and color—on available systems. It was a magical time.”
- “Does Jeff Goldblum always play a rock star scientist?! Is that what he does? Yes. Yes, he does. ... [as Goldblum] Uh, chaotician. Chaotician.”
- “Now this scene actually manages to be ... suspenseful. ... You find yourself rooting for these guys. That's the difficult part. ... And at the same time, you're like, 'Wait! Wait! No! No! Screw up!'”
- “I like the hair ... on Dr. Strangelove. ... That's the crazy, right there, more than anything. It's like he's in a strong wind at all times.”
- “By the way: why does this military installation have a particle accelerator?!”
- “Did he just realize they had made out? ... He might have other experiences that ring more vividly in his head. Yeah. [as John] Oh, we made out? I'm sorry. I remember that time that I melted a robot from the future in a steel factory.”
- “The Fly II is about the son, who I can't remember what his name is. ... Buzz. Was it Buzz? [laughter] Ya got me. High five.”
- “We had video taps even in '85. You could have shot directly out of the movie camera. ... But how did you make movies without electricity? Well, we just rubbed two sticks together until Jeff Goldblum caught fire.”
- “Note to self: don't give Brian a time machine. He's gonna do stupid stuff with it. ... 'I'm gonna give Shakespeare a Pepsi!'”
- “Dorkman, are you full of hatred? Um, not full. I mean, there's room for food.”
- “Doctor Manhattan in the book— God, I can't believe we're talkin' about this.... We're gonna talk about d*cks. All right. ... It's the elephant in the room, sirs.”
- “It is kind of this absurdist take on it. ... Life is chaos. It's random. It's absolutely absurd the things that go on, but ... underneath that absurdity, you can find beauty. And I think this is absurdism without the beauty.”
- “We don't get exposition in the world. ... 'Here's an animal. And here's another animal. And these animals glow. And this tree is big.' And that's the exposition that we get.”
- “I wonder if Jim Cameron is a furry, and he really wants to make it more mainstream. ... This is the Brokeback Mountain of furries.”
- “This movie exists in a quantum state. [laughter] ... As long as you don't look at it directly, it seems to be working fine. But ... once you actually start observing it directly, it starts doing all of these erratic things.”
- “Before this movie, I wanted to watch the original series so I could be familiar with it. ... I got like two episodes in before I was like, 'Well....' ... Did you try watching TNG? Because that sh*t will kill you.”
- “With Jason, ... he's getting revenge for being killed at summer camp. But revenge on everybody? [laughter] ... He's a good guy; he's just takin' to extremes. Well, when a man seeks revenge, Dave, he must first dig two graves.”
- “Is it just me, or is this woman really attractive? [laughter] In a strange, sort of, werewolf type of way? In a strange, she'd-eat-you-alive kind of way.”
- “Where did these guys come from? ... The various options are: they were waitin' in the ship ... playin' poker. ... Or they've just come to pick up the predator. ... They could have been polishin' helmets while they were waitin'. [laughter]”
- “I love stuff like that: he's in a proper bathroom! [laughter] ... When they did the third film, they should have had him on the toilet. ... Just reading a magazine? Yeah! Hunter hunting magazine.”
- “I remember [Gina Gershon] most from Showgirls, I'm sorry. [laughter] ... I was gonna say Bound. ... I haven't seen either of those films. ... I've seen Bound, I think, once. I've seen the sex scene in Bound about 75 times.”
- “We tend to have a drink or something to eat with the film. ... We've got some Russian vodka all the way from Russia, believe it or not. [laughter] ... That's where the best Russian vodka comes from, I've heard.”
- “Do you think Joshua's his first name or his last name? He's got two names. His name's Mr. Joshua Joshua. ... "JJ." ... [laughter] JJ, to the members of his cricket club. And his mum.”
- “There's a director's cut ... where [Riggs] goes to a schoolyard. That's not in this movie. Yeah, there is a director's cut— He shoots some kids?! [laughter] No, he shoots a sniper!”
- “That's Sam Raimi's 1973 Oldsmobile Delta 88, which appears in almost every one of his films, perhaps with the exception of The Quick and the Dead. ... It's in The Quick and the Dead, tho, but covered with rocks and stuff!”
- “What's the word I'm looking for? ... He's cunning. ... That's the word I'm looking for. He is cunning. ... He's as cunning as a fox who's just been made Professor of Cunning at Oxford University.”
- “[cave scene] That's like him going down into his subconscious, full of rats and full of destruction. And comin' out of the cave is his way of— It's Dante! Dante! Yeah, it's Dante. You gotta go thru the center of hell to come out the other side.”
- “[Troutman's entrance] And here's what I argue: the film has finally found its villain. ... Troutman's the villain. Completely and utterly agree. ... He doesn't care about Rambo. But the sequels change all that.”
- “Do you know [James Arness has] got a famous brother? ... Have you ever seen the movie Airplane? Peter Graves? Yeah. That's his brother. Get outa here! No way! Does he like gladiator movies?”
- “Why aren't we watchin' the colorized version? ... I wanted to look to see what color the actual Thing was. It's like blue. In the Carpenter version, it's like a red color. ... Should be orange, more like The Carrot from Outer Space.”
- “In this one, no cops are after the truck. ... And the only reason that Buford is chasing [them] is because he has a vendetta against the Bandit. ... There's no need for the Bandit. ... Oh my god, this film doesn't make hardly any sense.”
- “My chick-magnet handle was 'Ultimate Warrior.' ... When I was on a CB, my chick-magnet handle was 'Uncle Bulgaria.' Oh? [laughter] Because, ... in my friend's house, he had a Wombles poster on his wall.”
- “You could almost call it the 'Dean Jones arc' that he goes on in every film that he's in, where, by the end, he's loosened up. Herbie has helped him to loosen up. That Darn Cat has helped him to loosen up.”
- “Isn't [Dean Jones] the straight man in all the Disney movies that he's in? He is in That Darn Cat as well. Yeah, and in The Love Bug ... he's the straight man to a car.”
- “That's great! She's not a damsel in distress. She just got a f***in' machine gun! Yeaaah! That's kick-ass, actually.”
- “And that's like a cross between Leatherface and Jason. ... As a big Jason fan, ... even tho there's been 12 Friday the 13th films, there's not one where he has a chainsaw.”
- “Has [Rachel Bilson] been in anything since Jumper? No. I wonder if she has anything lined up. Jumper 2: Electric Boogaloo.”
- “[as Millie] You gave me fifty thousand dollars and a promise that you'd see me in a couple days. What the f*** is that bullsh**, David? ... By the way, I bought a Warhol.”
- “[as David] This power wants me to read! ... My superpower is to get back to the library in times of great trouble. This book is overdue!”
- “The more beers I have, the more I'm coming around to Jordana Brewster. Do you know how many guys have said that in the last ten years? A lot of casting directors!”
- “Devon Aoki's hot. Devon Aoki's not hot! Why do people think that? ... Devon Aoki looks like the creature from Mac and Me. Dude, he scared the sh** out of me when I was a kid.”
- “This is like a really hot cross between a Salon Selectives commercial and a gun fight. It's like if John Woo was directing for TRESemmé.”
- “I think Bruce Campbell here is doing his Bubba Ho-tep part, with the Elvis accent. ... He's really pouring it on here. Bruce Campbell is always pouring it on. Bruce Campbell doesn't do it any other way than thick.”
- “Monkeys don't smile! Oh, movie...!”
- “The mayor apparently only has two suits: one that doubles as his bed sheets and this. ... Are those little anchors on his suit? ... Yes. ... That's a meta f***in' gold ass Halloween costume.”
- “Quint's service rifle is actually an M1 Garand. ... An Army-issued rifle. ... I also want to point out that the M1 Garand, when the zombie apocalypse comes, is the preferred weapon.”
- “[female voice] I have a huge crush on the bad guy. Huge. On Alan Rickman? ... Best movie villain ever! No, second! ... Well, after Darth Vader. ... So, it goes Darth, Hans Gruber, Hannibal Lector.... Bruce ... the shark.”
- “So who's tougher: Vasquez or Starbuck? Ooh. Ohh. We should have them fight to find out! Or should they just fight and make out later on?”
- “How did [Hudson] ever get to be a Marine? Seriously! He impregnated some f***in' girl on some other planet. [laughter, then several voices] Doesn't matter when it's Arcturian, baby!”
- “Why is there an owl in the jungle? Woodsy Owl shows up to remind her 'Don't pollute!'”
- “These movies had fantastic matte paintings ... that Lucas then would burn 20 years later. F*** Lucas. ... Didn't sell 'em, didn't donate 'em— How far in the movie did we get before we got to 'F*** Lucas'?!”
- “The Muppets could do a West Side Story. Yeah! ... Why has that not happened?! 'Cause it's gonna involve a muppet dying!”
- “Right now, before the dance scenes get even more involved, I am putting a moratorium on calling s***t gay. [female voices] Thank you!”
- “Does Khan have a mullet? ... No. It's not business in the front and party in the back. Khan is party all the time!”
- “Cars love to flip. Have you noticed that? Yeah. Like, this is the most car-flippingest decade.”
- “Oh, G Gordon Levitt [sic] had a hot-a** wife like that? No, that's his sister! ... But she has dark hair! When she goes evil— G**dammit! I'm not a rocket scientist! ... This is like Keeping up with the Kardashians!”
- “Christopher Eccleston! ... I liked him in Jude, which is the most depressing movie of all time. Well, give GI Joe a chance. Yeah. Strap in there, fella.”
- “What's-her-face showed up in a picnic table outfit! I think she's actually just wearing a picnic table. She wants him to have a picnic on her. I'll have a picnic on her.”
- “Haven't you been in a bar fight before? Oh, yeah. Pretty regularly. But it's always at SkyBar. And it's always just me and Jason Priestly. It's really weird.”
- “I wish Burt Reynolds was playing Jesus. ... Or Jesus was a police detective. ... You're off the case, Jesus! You're a loose cannon, Jesus! Jesus, you're too close to this case!”
- “[as disciples] Did you notice how quickly Judas ate his sandwich and then took off? He was acting weird. He ate all the creamed corn....”
- “I don't get how [the cross] is staying up like that. ... He's levitating? That would be great if the whole thing just hovered. And then it rocketed off like Back to the Future. And it came back and starting strafing all the people!”
- “Our brains 'come equipped with a self-preservation mechanism'? You didn't know that? Well, we're watchin' this movie, so obviously it's not working.”
- “Oh my God, this is like that bad Denzel Washington movie. Fallen? No. When you say 'bad Denzel Washington movie,' you gotta narrow that down.”
- “Why do we want an elephant to die? ... For all you know, these are your ancestors. So if they don't get something to eat, you would never exist. ... Spsh! Steve just disappeared! Aww! He should have cared about that mammoth!”
- “Dude, that guy's like the Mr. T of 10,000 BC; he's got bones around his neck; he pities a lot of fools. I pity the fool who can't take down a mammoth!”
- “I find this very frustrating, actually, that this is gas. 'Cause wood is more exciting to watch. Wood is more exciting to watch burn.... It's a gas fire, but it may be a real log in there.”
- “F***in' Ice Pirates had more dramatic tension than this movie.”
- “There's so much money on the screen, but it's so dull. It's amazing how dull piles and piles of cash can be.”
- “So far, his punishment is better than my actual life.”
- “[as alien] In gratitude for your helping me, I will destroy your brain. [laughter] Here's that gift. Here's that gift, where I will make your eyes explode. It's really for the other guy. ... If you see him, just pass it along.”
- “So ... the skull is an ant repellent. That's clever. The skull is like Superman. It has whatever powers they want it to. ... [as Kevin Smith as Jon Peters] Just no suit. It's too faggy.”
- “The penitent man... kneels before God! The penitent man barrel rolls before God! That's the most penitent thing I've ever seen!”
- “Hey look, there's a bulletin board. ... 'Sign-ups for the Nazi volleyball league are available until Wednesday.' [as German] You vill join now!”
- “This is one of my fantasies: wake up in a room, the end of the day— And your mom's hitting on you? No! With Lea Thompson!”
- “That's Huey Lewis, but is that The News along with him? No. That is most definitely not The News.”
- “Orlando Bloom looks nothing like Stellan Skarsgaard. ... If you take off ... the barnacles— ... He still looks nothing— ... Go watch Good Will Hunting, go see him in his natural habitat: Harvard.”
- “What character from an existing movie that has nothing to do with pirates could easily fit into this universe? ... Val Kilmer. ... in any movie. [Laughter] Kiss Kiss Bang Bang! Gay Perry: professional pirate.”
- “The governor..., her father, just reminds me of Fozzie Bear's character in Muppet Treasure Island.”
- “You want to know something about Jeff Goldblum that no one's ever thought of before? ... He could play Jack Sparrow. ... I think he could play Jack Sparrow's older, smarter brother.”
- “Just how I like my movies to end: on notes of confusion, panic, frustration, fear, and emptiness. That's right. Kickin' Joseph Campbell right in the nuts.”
- “[as Stryker's technician] In retrospect, if we had these adamantium bullets and a guy who was an incredible shot like Agent Zero, we probably should have given him these bullets. [laughing] Oops. ... That's on me.”
- “Why would Nigerian diamond smugglers ... have Muzak playing in their elevator?”
- “You know, I'll never forget where I was the day Mega Shark ate the Golden Gate Bridge.”
- “Is something wrong with our DVD, Chris? ... Look, it's black and white; it's color. ... This DVD and film suffers from CSI's Disease. A lot of quick cuts and flashy camera moves.”
- “[as Seiji] Show me on the doll where the giant octopus touched you. [as Survivor] It touched me on my mangina.”
- “[as Nick Cage] Oh man! That cop was made of bees! ... How did I not notice that?! How did I not figure that one out?!”
- “This is almost as exciting as when he was looking thru the barn and found nothing. ... I'm sure he'll find some way to get himself into a boring life-or-death situation.”
- “On this island, men are really only being used for menial tasks and then also they just bang 'em a lot? Correct. ... I was under the assumption that we were watching a long-form recruitment video for Summersisle.”
- “See, this is why I don't like hospitals. ... A) Everyone starts break dancing when you're trying to get treatment. And B) the smell.”
- “[Rooftop dance] He's like Aqua-Man, calling all the whales to him. [as TV announcer] Suddenly! [Aqua-Man mental powers sound] Ozone uses his amazing break-dancing powers to call on the people of the streets!”
- “Oh look, the plot just drove up. Yeah, whitey just showed up. That guy looks like 1950s clip art.”
- “[Tomas Arana] played Quintus opposite Russell Crowe in the movie Gladiator. As far as LA Confidential goes, the score is now Maximus 2: Quintus 0.”
- “If Sugar Ray had been ... in a little different spot in the elevator, he might have avoided getting killed. ... The moral of the story, of course, is that, if you are in danger, you should use the stairs.”
- “You'd think a guy like Goose could get other jobs besides truck driver. But then again I've heard it pays pretty well.”
- “Uh, a little odd that ... as you're driving your hovercraft down the center of ... a major city street that you would talk about your [robbery] plans.”
- “[rolling credits] Costumers! There! Kill them all!”
- “It looks like a cruise ship commercial. [laughter] Circus folk everywhere!”
- “I actually like this! [laughter] ... I didn't ever say that it was bad. It's just ridiculous!”
- “I think if this movie were made today, it would be a sexier dress than she's wearing. ... He's wearing a sexier outfit than she is. That's true. He's showing more cleavage!”
- “Did Westley cheat? Or was that totally fair...? It was a battle of wits, and the guy had every opportunity to figure out that he might have poisoned both cups.”
- “This, right here, is why Indiana Jones is the p-izz-imp. He has a freakin' smoking jacket. ... It's got the quilted cuffs and collar. ... It's like they killed three couches to make that jacket.”
- “See, this sets up why Alfred Molina hates Spider-Man so much, you see? 'Cause he has spider trauma.”
- “This old lady fight is kind of weirding me out. ... It's hot!”
- “It's a two-headed dragon, but you only have to kill one of the heads, and then it dies? ♫ One of these heads is not like the other. ♫ [laughter] ... ♫ One of these heads just isn't the same. ♫”
- “That's it. This movie sucks. Yeah. That's not realistic at all. ... Well, look no further than the fact that the real world has more colors than this. What's up with that? It's like Kansas. Everyone's gray.”
- “So, dibs out for Madeleine Khan and Teri Garr. No one wants Cloris Leachman? Frau Bluecher? No. [whinny]”
- “[The subtitles] said 'holy dragon.' I always thought he was saying ... 'the hell of the horny dragon.' Isn't that scarier...? ... I guess it depends on what you feel about dragons.”
- “[CB monolog] Look what he's doing! He's podcasting!”
- “[noise over Skype call] I'm not even gonna ask what that sound was. That sounded like a snore. Yeah, somebody's nodded off. You can't nod off during this scene, come on! ... [snoring] [laughter]”
- “Doc has to sit on this secret ... not only for years, but thruout his entire relationship with Marty until that ... very moment when he comes back. ... Doc's a liar!”
- “Did you not read the headline? 'Assassins Gun Down Corleone. Oranges Unharmed.'”
- “I don't care how tough you are, once someone's got a garrote around your neck, that's how you're gonna look.”
- “What do you get a Wookie for Christmas when they've already got a comb? Conditioner. ... A butt scratcher.”
- “So, peerin' in on Chewie's house. ... I really wanted to see a sign on the door that said, 'The Baccas.'”
- “[as Leia] So, are we still on for later tonight? [as Luke] Uh, about that....”
- “Oh my God, it's a new death star! Yeah. I always thought it was the old death star, when I was a kid. I thought that it didn't exactly completely blow it up. ... I never thought about that. I look at that a whole new way now.”
- “Leia got a little bit more than she bargained for on father-daughter work day.”
- “[Luke is] playing with his T-16. ... He plays with toys. He's the original Star Wars collector!”
- “If God could see them all the time, [then] they're always in stone. ... Maybe if you just convinced them of God's existence— It's all based on their own perception. [laughter] ... The clerics evangelize to them!”
- “I thought they would make a lot more of the irony of using the Daleks against the Nazis. But they're not.... They're using them to carry around box files and make cups of tea—which is what you do with your invincible super-weapon.”
- “[Matt Smith] is strangely equine. [laughter] I seriously feel like ... a grand national-winning horse has been dressed up in the skin of a man and put on screen.”
- “You have the Master killing Rassilon with laser beams out of his hands. ... It would have been cooler if the Master had eaten him. [laughter] 'The only thing that can make me whole is Time Lord flesh!'”
- “What is it about flashback sequences of evil geniuses in their youth? They always look like a derivative of Damien from The Omen.”
- “It was the equivalent of having a meal in which the starter is wonderful; the main course is all right; and the dessert is just a bowl of dirty water.”
- “'President Obama ends the recession tonight.' Yes. ... Russell T Davies thinks that the financial crisis can be solved with the press of a button in much the same way his finales are resolved, or so it seems.”
- “There's a level of stupidity to some of the stuff the Doctor says. Like, ... 'Ah, that's the Adelaide Brooke that I knew, the one with starlight in her soul!' What are you, the writer of bad Hallmark cards?”
- “I liked the robot. What?! [laughter] I didn't expect that from you, Swithun. You liked the robot?! It's deliberately annoying. But it was annoying in a cute way. ... [pause] You liked the robot?!”
- “First appearance of the tritovores ... What do we think of the tritovores, guys? Eh. It's— It's a man in a boiler suit with a fly mask. Yeah.”
- “That's a very generic, wibbly-wobbly worm hole effect. Stargate would be embarrassed to use that.”
- “It's only around 10 minutes in. Already we've already introduced Rose, introduced the Doctor, blown up the department store. ... Very hard-working television, basically, isn't it?”
- “Quite possibly the worst episode of TV ever made. ... Uh, I think that classic Doctor Who might have some shocks in store for you yet.”
- “They did run away from people in spacesuits. ... It's gone all 'Ambassadors of Death' on us. ... It's the Stig!”
- “Would you guys say you're probably a bit more gay than you were two hours ago? I'm a little gayer.”
- “Any girl could probably beat the crap out of me if she was naked. [laughter] 'Cause I think that's how she got the drop on, what, two guys? That naked woman just leveled two FBI agents.”
- “This is the fourth time Kirk's been beaten up. ... He's like the 23rd century Rocky. ... Just let everyone in the universe beat the crap out of him until everyone in the universe gets tired.”
- “[Skydiving scene] So, this is a direct homage to Point Break, right? Yeah. I think that's exactly what this is.”
- “She wrote a book even? ... She is like a rock star of metallurgy.”
- “Immortals are drawn toward each other, kind of like this magnetic force thing. ... It's kind of like gaydar.”
- “If you look under the bed, and there's a monster there, what do you do? Do you just say 'Ha! I caught you!'? And the monster's like, 'Oh, I feel dumb now. I guess I'll just let myself out.'”
- “Here's the first weird thing that happens in the house: dead parakeet. ... In a year period, we went thru about 10 birds at our house. ... I'll be honest with you: I actually killed them, 'cause they were annoying.”
- “All she's wanted to do is kill this guy right from the beginning of the story, but ... it's like she still loves him. ... I hope one day to manipulate a woman like that. ... That's why you need to go young, 'cause you can train them.”
- “Look at [the Bride's] girly-haired pig-tail things. ... She looks cute right there, not terrible looking. Granted, she needs an eye wrangler....”
- “Is there a non-subjective way to win a gee-string contest? Or does it just come down to the cutest girl? Probably who dances the best. ... That's what I would judge it on.”
- “Remember that time that 3-wheelers were found to be completely dangerous? They stopped making them? But they were so popular in the '80s. ... Steroids, 3-wheelers, cocaine— And Stallone movies.”
- “Do you think [O-Ren Ishii] hates that guy Mickey? She sent one guy, like they just had an argument a few minutes before. ... He was eating off her plate. ... Those were my grapes, you son of a b**ch.”
- “Originally ... Kevin Costner was gonna play Kill Bill. ... He didn't do it because he wanted to hold a baseball bat the whole time and not a sword. ... [laughter] And a husk of corn.”
- “If they had known all this stuff ... in Predator 1 ... it wouldn't have made it as scary. ... That's what sequels are for. ... That's the same thing with Aliens. ... And the New Testament. Do you hate the New Testament, Jen? It's a sequel.”
- “What is the best Gary Busey movie? ... Point Break might be a little better than this. ... But, you're talking about Danny Glover compared to Keanu Reeves, tho, and that's what it boils down to: who does the least worst job?”
- “Ahh. Every moment Khan is on the screen, he smolders.”
- “According to IMDb, it's the only film in which we don't see an actual Klingon. I don't remember any Klingons in Citizen Kane, JR. Or do you just mean Star Trek films? Star Trek films.”
- “I feel like we need to go in your front yard, pull some trees, set some traps, in case [the predator] uses the trees. That'd be great. We should set a trap for Joe when he comes home.”
- “If there's one thing I think about Asians, it's their ability to play hockey.”
- “It's a hell hound. 6 HD. Treasure type R? ... Animal intelligence. About a 15 THAC0.”
- “Brain depository?! You know, after five, you slip it thru the slot in the door.”
- “[Jacob's ladder equipment] What are those things called? I used to know. Testicle shockers.”
- “I wouldn't leap to any conclusions. ... I would more believe clone than extra-dimensional Dale, spiritual Dale, ghost Dale— Time-travel Dale? ... If time-travel Dale comes back, he knows what to say.”
- “I do love Marvin Berry and the Starlighters. I think they should have their own time adventures. [laughter] They get a spin-off TV show.”
- “I love that [Doc] took the time to paint the bottles and everything white. [laughter, then as Doc] 'I'm sorry for the crudeness of this model.' It's like, uh, I'm sorry for your crippling Asperger's Syndrome, dude.”
- “What if you went back in time, and you saw your mom when she was 17, and she was crazy hot? My mom was crazy hot at 17. Would you get a halfie? ... No! It's my mom, dude! ... She's crazy hot!”
- “Pink hued. He can get arrested for that now. Well, look, she can see his underpants. So it's all right that he can see hers. [as Lois] Mr. Superman, no means no.”
- “They don't have the death penalty on Krypton, so if you break the law, you get turned into a Queen album cover.”
- “[as Quint] Well, boys... This is it. It's been nice knowin' ya. ... Now, you, smart guy.... Which one of your books can you throw at the shark?”
- “Look at this, will you? Isn't that frightening? ... I reckon the shark has invited all his shark friends over to watch all this. And to laugh. I just love the guy with the dynamite, chucking it in the water.”
- “He's turning into Joe Louis all of a sudden. Yeah, that's right. Or James Kirk. [laughs] No, James Kirk would never have spent the night with that woman and just looked at the fire. [laughter] She'd be pregnant by now.”
- “So, the first demonstration of the time machine. Pretty amazing that even the model works. ... [As Filby] I don't know how you're gonna get into it, George. ... You could send mice to the future.”
- “This is what a Victorian time machine would look like. Yeah, this sort of sedan chair. Yes. Well, that's very English. 'I'll sit in my sedan chair, and the world will change around me.'”
- “For a thing that's only supposed to go 2 miles an hour, why does it have rockets on the back? [laughter] What are they there for? ... Cockroach control.”
- “'Water always wins. Water waits.' Just shutup, David. [laughter] We get the point. Yes. It's really menacing without you banging on about it. Stop hitting us with that wet fish.”
- “[Cantina scene] Oh, Greedo's looking remarkably well, isn't he? He's got better. He's saying, 'Next time, I'll shoot first.'”
- “How would this compare with other shows that have Christmas specials—? ... Would there be anything that would come close to what they do in this? Your father's home movies when he's really, really drunk.”
- “It gives Star Trek a bit of a chance to run around on an alien planet. ... It's just that this isn't the sort of a creature that Kirk can have a fistfight with. No, no. Or have sex with. Well, I wouldn't put that past him.”
- “[as George Kirk] Gonna hang up now. A bit busy at the moment, darling. I'm being splattered all over the front of the ship. I asked you not to call me at work.”
- “You gotta imagine that insurance ... premiums are very high. ... The Gotham Insurance Company says ... 'Damage not covered if caused by Batman.'”
- “This is a Batman film. RICO cases and money laundering? Oh my goodness! They're trying to make it like a real crime drama. Let's get back to the KAPOWs and OOFs. Come on.”
- “See, if I was setting up in that office ..., I'd put my table on the other side of the room, facing towards the windows. Ah, feng shui. Set it in the power position.”
- “[Kamino scene] It's good to see there's not perfect weather everywhere in the universe. This would be the Great Britain of space.”
- “That's my favorite of Padme's head dresses, because it actually looks like something a person would wear who wasn't drunk.”
- “They're forming some sort of bond, but all the reaction she's had is watching him win a race. ... But he's a guy with a hot car, ... and he doesn't live with his parents. Anymore.”
- “There's two words were gonna use a lot of in the film. One is 'foreshadowing,' and the other is 'blasphemy.'”
- “Even the [All-Spark's] a transformer. What does it transform from—a big cube to a little cube? That would be the worst Christmas present ever.”
- “The dude's got the best shifty eyes in the business. I love John Turturro. Yeah. I call him 'Shifty-Eyed Turturro' behind his back. [laughter] I say it to his face! [laughter] I could never do that. I'm too insecure.”
- “Are the Autobots just hanging out on the moon, waiting to see the insignia reflected off of the clouds? I think they're hanging out on the moon or ... Saturn. ... Saturn's a gas giant! Yeah, get with your nerdmanship.”
- “How much is it to rent a tank for a day? Does it come with an AK and a goat? Okay, I'll take the combo. [laughter] Can I supersize that?”
- “[Batman has] almost got a George Bush mentality. ... I think there are definite parallels. ... But I think they're creepily unintended. ... Just like my questionable feelings towards Maggie Gyllenhaal.”
- “[As Bruce] Alfred, we got a bulb out in panel 46. Yeah, remember those 16,000 fluorescent tubes I asked you to install in my garage?”
- “21 minutes into the film, we get his first line. ... It's his first line, and he answers the meaning of life.”
- “[as Kotcheff] John Rambo is supposed to be an American tragedy. ... [as Stallone] Hey, I agree with you. ... I can imagine him being at those Universal Studios tours. You got Frankenstein, the Mummy, and Rambo.”
- “[Kotcheff still bitter that Sly took over] [as Stallone] You know what you directed about 7 years after this? Weekend at Bernie's. Well— Case closed. I was going thru a— ... How nuanced was that turd?”
- “[as Stallone] This guy's good. So not an actor, huh? What did he do for a living? [as Kotcheff] He was a logger. He actually got laid off from the mills. What does that mean? "Logger"? In porno?”
- “[as Zabka] Does Danielson and his mother come from Italy? [stifled laughter; as director] ... His name isn't 'Danielson.' It's 'Daniel.' I thought 'Danielson' was his last name.”
- “[as Swayze] A lot of these scenes, I was actually blue-screened in. ... It's just my religious beliefs: I can't be in bar-type settings. ... [as director] Which, that's shocking when I get that phone call too. I mean, the movie's set in a bar.”
- “Oddly enough, theatrical release: the only one stated is the UK. It opened on 1 screen [laughter] on the 9th of August, 2009 and took 433 pounds. ... That's its ... world gross cinema total.”
- “Why would a shark eat a bridge? [laughter] It's angry. ... Why would it attack that 747 out of the sky? I thought we explained that, Drew. It mistook it for a fish.”
- “[as oil rig victims] I wasn't expecting thiiiis! [laughter] This has come as a shooock! I'm surprised and dead!”
- “[as Schwarzenegger] There's a plane. Perhaps with the tools here we can convert it into a submarine and sail out to the island.”
- “You know he's evil. He's not even parked straight. Look at that! ... Actually Rae Dawn Chong's parked far more terribly than he has. I'd give this film a parking rating of 2.”
- “What kind of a name is 'Matrix'? Yes, of all the silly names Arnold has sported in his films, perhaps 'John Matrix' is the most far fetched.”
- “In the short story, it was 'Quayle' and not 'Quaid.' ... I don't imagine anyone would think [US Vice-President] Dan Quayle ... was likely to be a secret agent who traveled to Mars and massacred a lot of people.”
- “If you guys were allowed to have one superpower, what would it be? ... I would like to have the power to maybe multiply things. Like, let's say I have a dollar—zoom: ten dollars, right there. [laughter] Or a hundred. That works too.”
- “Even with the road intact, pretty much nobody probably came to the town anyway. So, I don't really know why any of them is still in business.”
- “It's quite nice that they found laughter and everything, but it's kind of sad that the traditional way of scaring has disappeared.”
- “First animated toilet ever.”
- “I think it's really funny how he was afraid of a light, and then this huge machine comes up behind him, and he doesn't flinch.”
- “Again ... they're destroying the city in a personal fight against Doctor Doom, who ... has not threatened the city in any way. ... They murder him in the street, and they're heroes!”
- “They all get hit with the cosmic rays and have completely different powers. ... Shouldn't ... all four of them ... be the Thing? Shouldn't four Things come out? That sounds like a sitcom.”
- “I want to say—Victor Von Doom: the coolest name ever. ... There's actually a cooler one. Um.... Aunt May?”
- “How many villains in Batman films are made by falling into something? [Lists several] ... Basically, if you're pushed at a vulnerable state, in Gotham City, you will become a supervillain.”
- “Did you notice, when she put the CD in? ... Alfred went to the trouble of making Flash animation of having the Bat symbol come up, and [say] 'Bruce Wayne is Batman! Ta-daa! Click to skip intro.'”
- “Right now, it's like a bad issue of Shadow of the Bat. ... By the hour mark, it becomes a $100 million Adam West TV show. And then, by an hour and half, it becomes the worst movie ever made.”
- “This movie is barely involved in the [director's] commentary of this movie. If anything, the movie is holding it back.”
- “There's your sentinel head. That's where Cloverfield got the idea. For the entire movie. Yep. I like the thought of JJ Abrams watching a Brett Ratner movie and going, 'I'm gonna take a few notes!'”
- “Cornelius minds, but [Umbridge is going to curse Harry] in front of twelve other people, and she thinks it's not gonna get back to him? Yeah. These kids have blogs, Delores.”
- “Oh look, Hermione's been caught wearing the same outfit twice in one movie. ... You mean like in real life people wear the same clothes more than once? ... Not me. I keep all the tags on my clothes and return them after I wear them once.”
- “[Remus and Harry go walking] 'Oh wow, look. We found Hedwig.' ... [as Hedwig] I'm it! You go hide now! [laughter] Whooo found me?”
- “[Malfoy's] so tough and does this [drawing]? [laughter] ... 'Look, Harry, you have a poo-poo face!' Did you see he signed it? He signed the bottom of the drawing, like it's gonna go on a wall somewhere.”
- “[as Lucius] Come, Dobby. It's time to make me some chimichangas. [laughter] Chimichangas! Lucius does not eat
chimichangas . D'ya think?” - “Wait! Here comes another Hermione-knows-everything moment.”
- “Who's that guy Dumbledore's 'friends' with? Is that one of his buddies-buddies? John! ... What? Why can't Dumbledore bring a date to quidditch?”
- “Don't interrupt [Quirrel's] important iguana lesson. An iguana! I know! If the kids don't learn about iguanas, they're never gonna pass the [final exam].”
- “Watch Rita. She wears things to match her environment every time. ... She just came on to Harry! ... Oh-ho-ho, Rita! I guess she'll go to any length to get her story.”
- “Did [Flitwick] get attacked by the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy people between the second and third movie?”
PotterFicWeekly/Poufwa Exchange
- “How did a giant and a human...? I have thought about this
in detail. Why?! ... If the mother's human, she couldn't give birth to it. ... I guess if the father's human, they could always use an engorgio charm.” - “Jen, I'm not sure if you've bought me my Christmas present yet, but I think the sweater vest Neville's wearing would be just excellent if you could find it in a medium. [laughter] Sure thing, honey.”
- “This is the great final act of this movie, too. The ship's gonna blow up in 9 minutes, and you've got essentially William Shatner and Snape to save you. What will happen?”
- “[Imitating Thermians] The hardest part of this movie to watch it and not turn yourself into one of those people.”
- “[Dumbledore tells Harry he's not alone] And then just a little pat. 'You call me if you need me. I'll be in my office with the door closed.' [laughter] 'I'm gonna ignore you for the next six months.'”
- “[Gambon] is nothing like Dumbledore in this scene. He is confused; he's annoyed. ... And ... when he screams 'Silence', every girl ... in this Great Hall is instantly rendered infertile.”
- “There's my least favorite character in this movie. Remus? Yes, it p*sses me off in this movie so much. ... They fail Remus miserably. And the first failure is his 'molestache'.”
- “Look! Look! Obviously he's in love with her. ... 'Please, Ginny, please!' ... Then he'll forget all about her until she gets breasts.”
- “[gasp] Lucius! He's got the ponytail totally working for him. Work it. Work it. ♫ And I do my little turn on the catwalk. ♫”
- “[Filch is] half Old West cowboy and half English bum. ... There's gotta be about one third short bus in there, tho. Yeah. We apologize to all short bus people.”
- “Someone must have told [Radcliffe] if you just shake your head and blink a lot, that will show that you're scared. ... You don't remember Shakey-Head-Blinky class from theater? [laughter] ... I took that for two semesters. It was great!”
- “It's Golem and his 8,000 second cousins. ... If I had a nickel for every time Harry almost got killed under water.... You'd have ten cents. I'd have a dime. Yeah.”
- “Narcissa Malfoy saved the wizarding world. ... And she did it for Draco. How many fics do we read where they'd sell Draco down the river for, like, better parking at the Death Eater meetings?”
- “And why is his suit okay? ... It looks clean, actually. It looks like it's in better shape. Well, that's what it is. It's an age reversal/dry cleaning machine, I think.”
- “Forget about Meglos being a shape-shifter in 'The Lodger.' I think Meglos could have done well in this episode. Well, except that he sucked. I think Prisoner Zero is Meglos. I think this episode is being shot with Scene-Sync.”
- “Is it possible for the star of a show to steal every scene he's in? Possibly. Technically, that shouldn't be possible, but Matt Smith does it.”
- “[Master hits Doctor] Oh, he hit him! I don't remember that! Oh yeah. And the slash writers go crazy. Yep. Well, more crazy than they already are.”
- “Oh! It's the booth! ... Why couldn't he just smash it open? ... Because it's super-protective Vinvocci glass ... that's not completely sealed. ... Is it made of drivelonium? [laughter] It's made of 200% drivelonium.”
- “Is it Oods or Ood? It's Ood. Is it like moose? Yeah, I think it is. Like meese. 'Cause Oods would sound silly. 'All the Young Oods.'”
- “Whenever [the Tardis] materializes in places where there's fire and stuff, it's really bright, like a shining beacon of hope. I believe that's the 'drama' setting.”
- “My problem is that, apparently, web pages in 2059 look no different than web pages in 2000. Just a little less Flash content. ... The HTML 5.0 talks have just stalled.”
- “Mind you, among my favorite Colin Baker stories is 'Attack of the Cybermen.' So what do I know? ... I love 'Attack of the Cybermen,' and it is pretty terrible, when you actually think about it. But don't think about it, and it's great.”
- “That's the special needs ice warrior. ... It's actually Condo in a previous life. Condo! The opera-singing ice warrior. ... You should hear his light opera. [as ice warrior] 'Three little girlish girls are we. Three little maids from school.'”
- “Doctor Who is like Baghdad. Basically, the economy is completely based on kidnappings. [laughter] And the odd Cyberman beheading.”
- “How are the miners getting the swords? ... They're miners. It's what they're mining. ... The sword miners of Peladon.”
- “[as Dalek] El-e-vate. Ah. ... It's Adam's look that sells it. ... [as Adam] Oh God. He's made such a liar out of me. I just said that he couldn't climb the stairs and now he is. I owe him five bucks.”
- “That is a fine picture of himself behind him. ... I had a professor ... who actually had a picture of himself on his desk. ... And he was midget too. ... I detected ... a bit of hubris that was making up for a couple of things.”
- “I think they totally had a thing going on between them. ... The way Jackie is...? More power to Mickey, if he gets the mom and the daughter. Way to go, Mickey, you sleezeball.”
- “This is quite spectacular. This little shot coming up. ... Yeah, that's pretty amazing. I think on the DVD they actually show how that's done. Yes. Computers. Well, yes. And string.”
- “[Eccleston] does have extraordinarily large ears. But for most people from Manchester, actually, they're about average. ... His nose, on the other hand, is about half the size of a normal Mancunian nose.”
- “I like that this episode is so boring, that we're actually debating what Jackie wastes her time watching [on TV].”
- “[sniff] No, that was just me sniffing. Don't worry. We watched this three or four times beforehand, so we could become desensitized. I didn't. I may become a weepy mess.”
- “I love this music. That's groovy music. Groovy chase music. ... Groovy Doctor-gets-down-to-the-bottom-of-things music.”
- “What is that? The control's in ... a large version of the microfilm from The Spy Who Loved Me. It is. In fact, Barbara Bach is in there right now without any facial expression.”
- “Any woman that cold [as Miranda Frost] likes it really, really dirty.”
- “I love the fact that [Bond's prison] mustache is wonky. That's bothered me since the first time I saw it. They don't like it when you stand up in the cinema and shout, 'Wonky mustache!'”
- “Marco— Bye, Marco. Polo. Marco! Polo!”
- “[80-foot mechanical tarantula scene] Look at the emissions on that. That's never gonna get past emissions tests. Exactly.”
- “The amount of money they must have spent in CG stuff just to get rid of Kenneth Branagh's legs— Why didn't they just actually cut his legs off? ... There must have been some paraplegic who can act. Could have paid him a lot less.”
- “Here we go, see: two old, leather chairs and an old, crappy telly. Yeah, looks like my apartment. Well... two crappy chairs anyway. They're not leather.”
- “Why would you want hacker names anyway if you don't want to live in the computer? Well, these are not really hacker names. You're telling me their parents called them 'Tank' and 'Dozer'?! They're nicknames!”
- “Here we have the SWAT team ... moving in on this f***ing kid. What were they expecting this 8-year-old child to be armed with? ... Surely they could entice him out with Barney the Dinosaur.”
- “Roger here is just— ... You can still see the polyester. He's gone slightly up-market, but the polyester's still there. Yeah. ... His hair looks a bit polyester.”
- “To give this film its due, this is probably one of the only films where you see Bond actually doing ... an approximation of his job. ... Rather than just walking in with a gun— And shagging ... shagging anything that moves.”
- “Wasn't this thing named 'WOPR' because originally the— The proper NORAD one was called 'BURGR.' Yeah. ... And QUARTER POUNDER WITH CHEESE wouldn't actually fit on the side.”
- “You know, when you think about it, a naked woman straddling a gun— ... there's some subtle sexual imagery there.”
- “Should have got Dick Van Dyke to [play Charlie Croker]. His cockney accent is legendary.”
- “This is how your imagination pictures it when you're a kid and you play cops and robbers... but without all the death and everything.”
- “Kirk is ejected, along with a dog-eared copy of Twilight. Ah, they packed him toilet paper. That was thoughtful.”
- “[infant Kirk cries] [as George Kirk] Lieutenant Baby? Is that you? Leonardo DiCaprio, in a very special cameo role.”
- “The mellow clarinet solo adds to the terror. [laughter] Man, I've seen zombies mount better attacks than this one.”
- “Tor Johnson, ladies and gentlemen, born to a Swedish mother and a bull elephant seal.”
- “He found the panic room! [pause] Oh, no. It's a Panic Room room, loaded with memorabilia from the movie Panic Room.”
- “[re: ghosts] Me, I'd stab my own eyes out to avoid having to look at Whoopie Goldberg. You're thinking of the movie Ghost. You mean Whoopie Goldberg is real?!”
- “Fuzzikins down! Fuzzikins down! Never leave a bear behind! Heh, heh. 'Bare behind.'”
- “[as Jabba] Try guessing where my genitals are. If you get within a meter, you can go free.”
- “Does anyone in this series ever stumble backwards and not run into a skeleton?”
- “[Indy] runs like he's got a loaded diaper. Well, consider the circumstances. He just may.”
- “When you run someone thru with a sword, Mike, ... does it really sound like thrusting the wrong end of a hockey stick into a large tank of soft-shelled crabs? Exactly like that, yes.”
- “[Jack Sparrow's] walk is John Wayne plus Carol Channing, divided by Daffy Duck.”
- “Is this the scene where he runs into Man-Thing? You mean Swamp Thing? You mean the Swamp Fox? You mean Moss Man? Right: Man-Thing.”
- “Huh. Reminds me of my wedding night. Huh? 'Cause we honeymooned in Antarctica. And used explosives.”
- “How come when Bogie drinks during the day, people think he's sophisticated, but when I do it, all I hear is 'Get off our little league field!'?”
- “You gotta hand it to the government. Within hours, they already have special tents where people can go to explode.”
- “[as Lily, regarding Jason] Whoa, whoa, did I give that impression? ... The very thought of him made me shiver with revulsion. I gagged when he touched me! His clammy skin was— [as Rob] Okay, enough about my dead brother.”
- “Porkins?! The fat guy's name is Porkins?!”
- “I think she might have happened upon Thunderdome. Mike ... Can't we just get beyond Thunderdome?”
- “Huh, Robert Downey, Jr. courting death in an attempt to get higher? Now I've seen everything!”
- “You know, this is worse than Three Ninjas 3...times seven.”
- “Have you ever used the word 'phooey'?”
- “Would you really want that businessman handling all your business affairs ... if he's gonna throw down, like, fifty dollars on a freakin' game of Ninja Gaiden against a six year old? I don't think so.”
- “[Roger Ebert's review said] they really over-thought this movie. ... I totally 100% agree. ... The entire thing could have just been an 85-minute preview to Mario 3, and I still would have watched it.”
- “The DQ? The Texas stop sign! That's where things get smoothed over in Fred Savage's world.”
- “We need a cool handshake like that. ... A secret handshake. ... That way if any of us are changed into a robot, we can tell. ... Which is something very important in this day and age.”
- “You know, that's one staple that all bad guys have, is big teeth. Big teeth? Really? Yeah. Look at John Travolta.”
- “Did you guys love Captain Lou Albano as Mario? Of course! Yeah. It's just 'cause he's an amazing dancer.”
- “Would you do Sprite? [Laughter] If she was regular size, dude. She has wings. Come on, that's hot.”
- “Here's a good stereotype: never trust a guy with red eyes. ... Or a robe. ... Yeah. Obi-Wan Kenobi wears a robe. Yeah but— Well, good point. Checkmate.”
- “Have you seen Gran Torino? 'Cause I read a whole article about how Gran Torino and Up are basically the same movie.”
- “Oh, she's missin' a tooth. That ain't a deal-breaker, tho, when you're five.”
- “Somehow the ark gets back to Egypt, so I'm guessin' [Moses] went back to kick some ass. ... He's like, 'Hey, we got commandments now in a frickin' golden box!' Commandments that say 'Don't kill anyone.' [as Moses] Let's go win a war!”
- “In 2009 ... that would have just been a conversation over texts. And no one would have had to burn anything down. 'Hey, can we have your medallion?' 'No.' 'We'll burn your place down.' 'Okay fine.' 'LOL.'”
- “I think a better movie would have been if they sprayed [Wikus] in the face, and his mind switched with Christopher's. ... Freaky Friday! ... Yeah. Lindsey Lohan is Christopher.”
- “His wife seems pretty nice. ... You could have a romantic comedy ... with these two. When he just has an alien arm? ... No. ... It has nothing to do with the aliens at all—except the ship is in the background the whole time.”
- “The gun is real? So, only the aliens can use them, tho? ... They're physically there, but they don't fire anything. When we use them? No. [sigh] Within the movie, you're right. Outside of the movie, you're retarded.”
- “Coppin' a feel. ... My God, her breasts have been stolen! ... Maybe I should massage them. Get the blood circulation going. ... You'd do her, but you'd be worried the pedophile squad were gonna bust in.”
- “That sword's got more screen presence than Orlando Bloom. I'll give him this: he can do sword-fighting. ... Jonathan Price's wig: more screen presence.”
- “Ahh, Ginger, you're in so much trouble now, mate. You see, if you took your earphones off, you could hear your boyfriend gettin' mullered, and you could leg it, at least.”
- “Look at that hair. It's massive. You see, Linda Hamilton's got Ozzy Osbourne's haircut from about 1985. And [her roommate's] got Slash's.”
- “Lasers as well. ... When is this? ... 2029. Maybe that's why he got ... the laser sight: 'cause he's missin' the lasers. Maybe, yeah. Nostalgic robot. [as Schwarzenegger] I'm so homesick.”
- “[Chuck's flashes] See, there's the pie again! What does a Russian— ... Maybe it has to do with America. ... The pie is blowing up! He's gonna destroy America! No, that pie means something. It's our job to uncover what it is.”
- “Now that's sexy. 'Cause you can use that to hold up your hair, and then you can throw it at somebody. I like that. I love her little ankle knife set. I have one of those. [Laughter] I do.”
- “[as Nick Cage, offering contract] I found this in another movie I was in called National Treasure.”
- “[kiss scene] Is that the 'The More You Know' music? It's advocating 'Don't sleep with skeletons that are on fire.'”
- “Why was there a baby crying [in the mugger's vision]? Did you hear that? He mugged a baby. ... I think this was for a different movie called Things We Lost in the Fire”
- “[as Johnny] That was amazing! ... I'm gonna go tell my dad! Oh. Oh wait.”
- “[as Nilbog man] How y'all doin'? This here is mah house. This is mah wife, mah wife, aaand mah wife.”
- “And they just completely ignore the [hitchhiker]? ... At least acknowledge him and say, 'I'm sorry. Our son's possessed by the devil.'”
- “Guys, what's with all the liver spots? Seriously, I think they've multiplied. I think Master Splinter has developed a bad case of mange.”
- “Those pants look very comfortable. You saying you want to get into those pants? [laughter] ... I'm just sayin'—[Buffy] looks comfortable.”
- “Earlier in the episode, Willow was wearing overalls. Now Buffy's wearing overalls. ... I'm not sure we'll ever see Giles in overalls. [laughter] Actually that would be really funny if he popped up later on— ... With a straw hat.”
- “So Michael Myers is 21 now. So he's old enough to drink. ... He clearly went to the bar. ... [as Michael] I'm gonna fill up on root beer schnapps and Beer Nuts before I [kill some people].”
- “[The villain] manipulates this [weapon] to go after these two. Couldn't [the villain] have just done that ... to go kill [the target]? No. Why not? I don't know. ... You sure you weren't a writer for this movie?”
- “It's like [Rosario Dawson is] in a completely different movie. ... It's like they lied to her and said, '... It's about you ... going thru possible indictment.' She thinks she's shooting ... A Few Good Men.”
- “I think every movie could be improved by Alan Tudyk entering a scene, and giving some sort of useful advice, and being run thru by something large and metallic. [laughter] 'Jerry! You have to go thru the tunnel! Aaarghg!'”
- “Oh, you know what? I totally forgot about Rear Window. And that's ridiculous, because that should be the first movie I think about when watching Disturbia.”
- “One can only wonder what Badger's intentions with that woman were—why he wanted to see her teeth. It's probably better that we don't know.”
- “Who is this girl? I don't know. She's pretty. They'll be dead here soon. Oh sure.”
- “These two 60-year-old ladies in the theater— ... One of the ladies just busted open, fell out of her f***in' seat laughing. ... Those two ladies [were] having more fun than I've ever seen anybody [have] at a theater.”
- “Come on, ugly Rooker, let her have it. Don't let her boss you around, ugly Rooker.”
- “I'm glad that they did expose the fact ... that rodeo clowns are not always happy.”
- “Hey, did you know Jake Gyllenhaal's mom wrote the movie Running on Empty with River Phoenix and Harrison Ford? No, Harrison Ford wasn't in that. It was Judge Rhinehold... No, Judd Hirsch from Taxi.”
- “Here we go: we're hearing Yoda's theme for no discernible reason. ... And it's Anakin Skywalker kicking ass.”
- “Here you see the aliens ... obviously referencing ... Alien. ... Which, I can tell you from my abduction experience, they look nothing like this.”
- “I'll admit... this movie really does get more watchable the more you watch it.”
- “How many movies has Sigourney Weaver died in? ... Well, Alien 3, I guess. Alien 4. [laughter] Um, Gorillas in the Mist? ... She disappeared. ... I reckon she ... just became one of the tribe of gorillas [laughter]. ... She went completely native.”
- “There's a lot of blue butt in this movie, that's for sure. ... You like the blue butt? I mean, most of my sexual fantasies involve Smurfs and Thundercats, so this is almost the perfect movie for me.”
- “There's a nice bit there, by the way—[Uhura is] delivering a bit of information that becomes vital later while undressing. I like that technique. [laughter] Yes! That's a good film-making technique.”
- “The guns I can kind of understand. I'm not quite sure about the flamethrower. [laughter] ... And they've got two of them!”
- “If I was one of these guys, I would've said, 'Well, don't bring it in here then!' ... [laughter] 'Look at it outside! Why is it smoking? Did you heat it up?!' ... 'Did you have to get us all to carry it inside...?' Because it clearly stinks.”
- “Pepper Potts has now revealed the details of an ultra-secret energy source to a guy in a mall who makes little trophy cases. [laughter] ... Maybe she had him killed afterwards.”
- “In this scene ... the person with the lesser talent [Obadiah] ... is playing a piece of music by Salieri, who [supposedly] was so jealous of Mozart that he murdered him. It's literally underscoring that he's a second banana.”
- “This is not the first time Robert Downey, Jr. has woken up like this, by the way. Yes. Absolutely: on some kind of skanky bed, not knowing where he is, with a sore nose.”
- “Say I was the One. ... This whole scene would be significantly less cool, 'cause I'm absolutely crap at swallowing pills. [laughter] [gags] ... 'No, wait. ... Just a little bit more water, and I'll be fine.'”
- “Say what you will about George Lucas—and you have— [laughter] but at least it took him 20 years to ruin Star Wars. [laughter] And the Wachowski Brothers managed to do it in about 3.”
- “[Jonathan Scott-Taylor] is just the right level of creepy, as well. ... He's just that sort of creepy kid, tho, that you would like to have around just in case of sh*t happenin'. ... That sort of calm kid under pressure....”
- “This is a very specific book he's got as well: 'Blood and Bone Marrow Cells of the Jackal.'”
- “In an early draft, he was gonna fly past ... a dancing troupe and there was gonna be a huge dance number. ... Cole Porter's 'Birds do it. Bees do it. Even educated flees do it.' 'Let's do it. Let's replicate love.'”
- “You created me. Actually, what were your ambitions and desires when you created me? Just, oh, going for the basic pleasure model. [laughter] But, to be honest, I fell way, way short of that.”
- “Classic line from the music video. ... On Brian Blessed's tombstone it's gonna be: 'Brian Blessed / Gordon's alive?!'”
- “[as Flash] Look, you literally told me how to fly this thing about 45 seconds ago. I don't feel sufficiently qualified to be able to have sex and fly it at the same time.”
- “He was Porkins?! ... Blimy! He's lost weight! 'Cause Porkins was enormous in Star Wars. I always imagined that Porkins actually basically had to sit there whilst they built the X-Wing around him, he was so fat.”
- “We've just seen this huge list of dancers. It's actually longer than the list of stunt men in this movie, which for an action movie is probably quite shameful.”
- “I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but this is the point in the movie where it begins to stop making sense. [laughter] Yeah? Because up to this point, it's been water-tight.”
- “Seriously, I'm sure the first rule of being a helicopter passenger is not to engage the pilot in open combat. [laughter] ... 'Look, we'll just fly back to base, and we'll deal with it when we get back.'”
- “How much money do you have to donate to the presidential campaign to get to the nerve center of NORAD on a tour? That's gotta at least be the 'golden patriot' level.”
- “I like how Broderick turns even geekier when he's around his parents. His posture suffers, and he instantly grows a yo-yo out of his hand.”
- “Typical day in Seattle here. ... Uh, there's a shaft of sunlight there. That can't poss— That must be back projection.”
- “God to Nazis: thumbs down.”
- “I think that screaming corpse may have been the moment that my grandmother regretted her decision to bring me to this movie.”
- “This is a cool booby trap. It works on the same principle as that bing-bong alert at Radio Shack.”
- “Look at that alien on the left. It's like a pig with a wig on. Check it out. Dude, I never noticed that before! That thing looked awful.”
- “[as stormtrooper] Look sir, a circle! ... There's no way this is part of the pod. This is definitely a droid. ... Only droids have circles like this.”
- “I'm just trying to see what the cat is, whether it's a Burman or a Himalayan. Er, it's a cat. It's a cat. It's a fluffy cat. It's a Bond-villain cat.”
- “And who's this? Yeah, what's that?! ... Such a weird picture! ... The eyes look like they're following you. ... Maybe that's the 12th Doctor. [laughter] No, no, no, no, no!”
- “That was a beautiful scene. And—chicken notwithstanding—it is a beautiful episode because of that scene.”
- “It's a [Van Gogh] painting with something horrible in the window of a church. ... It's the Pope! [laughter] ... Undefined shape. ... Doesn't really give anything away. ... But you know, he wasn't a great painter, was he?”
- “Oh dear! Rory's been got! ... And he's dying. And the Doctor sees Mrs. Poggett. Mrs. Frog-Faced Pogget. I never trusted her.”
- “[The angels] seem to be worshiping the crack. ... Mmm, well, dear. Who wouldn't worship Amy's crack? Now, now! Now! Gaww! [laughter] I wish they'd thought of ... another season arc, because of you, you smutty little—”
- “So, if they did send all the Aplanders back in time, ... they can just carry on with their lives and have more children, who would then be in the present again. Unless they get to a point where they're continually sent in the past.”
- “There's one thing I've noticed about the military class: they're all very shapely. They are all female, it seems. If they're supposed to be reptilian, why have they all got mammary glands?”
- “Lots and lots of Silurian warriors ... standing in what look like bus shelters. ... So why were those ones standing in cubicles and those ones in bus shelters? Maybe they're the officers, and they get a cubicle.”
- “His cup's started vibrating, so there's shenanigans going on. Ooh, there's nothing so bad as shenanigans.”
- “Why is it in TV and film, when somebody's had their hand cut off, their forearm gets longer? [laughter] ... Is that a real medical phenomenon? ... We're gonna have to look on Wikipedia.”
- “[Amy is] a lot taller than Billie Piper, because it has to look up at her. ... These Daleks were built so they could look Billie Piper in the eye.”
- “Why is the rubbish dump Lancashire? Is that some comment on Lancashire? Oh, well, may be. I'm sure it's a perfectly fine place.”
- “Typical man—showin' up 12 years late.”
- “I can't wait for the episode where we find out the gap between her teeth is actually a portal to another dimension. I think the cliffhanger ... will be having to seal the gap in her teeth to stop the Cybermen from coming thru.”
- “So what other soap operas were the Cybermen in...? I think they did a little stint on Home and Away. Neighbors, obviously. ... They did some voice work on The Archers. ... [Cyberman voice] 'The. Sheep. Need. Feeding.'”
- “It's actually the second most exciting Doctor Who scene set in a kitchen since the program came back. ... The first one obviously being 'Fear Her.'”
- “Why is Tennant wearing Old Man Steptoe's, sort of, flannelly underwear underneath his jacket this week?”
- “Limp wrist! Gay agenda again.”
- “I wish I lived near a lake like this. Yeah, so Jason could kill you? ... Jason lives at every lake ever. No, he lives at Crystal Lake. Yeah, that's Crystal Lake. ... This is Ruby Lake. This is Cubic Zirconium Lake.”
- “You know when Buzz ... is hiding, and he ends up seeing the Buzz Lightyear toy commercial? You'd think a lesser man would just commit suicide. ... He'd be like, 'My life is a lie.'”
- “There's one scene Toy Story 2 that I almost cried at. ... If you're almost gonna cry, you need to go all out and just do it. Yeah, but it's— I cried during Serpico.”
- “The fact that she doesn't react to the ghost makes it less scary for me. What if she went, like, 'Hey, ghost.' Would that make it more scary? That would be scarier.”
- “If you were a ghost, ... you would want to talk to kids, right? ... I'd want to talk to postal workers. I'd want to talk to college students and be like, [spooky voice] 'Staaaay in schoooool.'”
- “If you think about it, they really only want to destroy your possessions. The gremlins are very Buddhist in that way.”
- “Does that mean Gizmo's a girl? Or are they like seahorses, where the men give birth? They're nothing. They're like seahorses.”
- “Look at John Turturro dancing in the background. I must say, that's a good dance move. Very. And it works in the club scene.”
- “They dive on the chicken, and I'm convinced that they shot the chicken some other way, 'cause ... would they really just risk smooshing a chicken? Well, they probably have chicken handlers. Or, as I like to call them, 'c*** handlers.'”
- “It's all re-channeled sexual tension here. ... Homoeroticism? ... No. ... Well, you know, the tagline for this is "Man is the warmest place to hide. [laughter] Okay, so there's a gay undertone to this whole film.”
- “The alternate title for this movie could be What the F*** is That?! [laughter] Instead of Who Goes There? ... Well, they'd have to get it past the MPAA, but still....”
- “If you take Snake Plissken over here on the left, and you take Captain Ron over here on the right— [laughter] MacReady's kind of in the middle there. Yeah, I hear that, definitely.”
- “The dog they used for this ... I think ... was an Alsatian and it— What was his name? ... I don't remember. 'Fluffy'? No. ... Probably something like 'Buck'. 'Preeecious'? Bit his hand. ... And he adopted it.”
- “Just a note about Karloff's outfit here—he looks like he could be in an early '80s new wave band. [laughter] The snaps on the side... He would fit in with Gary Newman. I hear you there.”
- “[Julie Bishop] gets carried a lot in this movie, too—I mean physically picked up and carried around. Yeah, she's kind of a light-looking girl. Yeah. Maybe she has hollow bones. Could be descended from dinosaurs.”
- “We need a stamp that says 'STRANGE PHENOMENA - FLYING SAUCERS'.”
- “I love the film they're watching of the killer ants, ... reminiscent of, again, Nazi propaganda films. ... [as Nazi narrator] 'Like the Jew, the rat bleh bleh bleh....' [laughter] It has that same vibe. ... We love the Jews too.”
- “Oh, this is awesome! Matt, I want one of these rocket launchers here. Can I smack your head as you get ready to [launch]? Oh, if you get me one of these, you can smack my head as many times as you want to.”
- “The white bathing suit ... was actually a construction of the Universal wardrobe department, because they wanted to have ... a very signature bathing suit. And it is. ... It makes me go ♫ dun-dun-DAH! ♫”
- “This was filmed under the title The Black Lagoon and ... changed to Creature from the Black Lagoon— To avoid any racial tensions. [laughter] ... 'Why's it gotta be a black lagoon? Huh?' ... 'Why can't it be a white lagoon?'”
- “I actually enjoy the soundtrack. I actually found a copy of it online. I have it on my iPod. I listen to it every once in a while. I mean, it's decent, compared to most B movie soundtracks, honestly.”
- “The actor for Torgo was pretty much high every day on the making of this movie, which is rather obvious. But he's also the redeeming factor of the movie.”
- “I'm surprised they didn't make a Taken racing game, and this is the only level. You can't win, because your opponent is always Liam Neeson. You just get a little better every time.”
- “The movie doesn't imply that Godzilla is a walking nuclear weapon. It tells you up front he's a walking nuclear weapon. Feels like the subtext is kind of destroyed.”
- “And now here we go. His full transformation of what-the-f*** is complete. ... Now his hair is full pink— ... It's been spiked up on both sides. He has rhinstones all over his body. ... It looks like he's some weird sea goddess of the gay world.”
- “You know, nobody in Gotham has a normal house. It's true. It's true. They all have overly elaborate apartments that completely display their personality. But then again, look at my bedroom. Yeah. It's like a John Hughes set.”
- “It's, like, crime montage— and then ultimate laundry. Extreme laundry! And then it goes back to the crime montage. It's just really weird editing here.”
- “[as pall-bearer penguins] 'Uh, guys, so now what do we do?' [laughter] 'Uhh.' 'Anyone want to go get a coffee?' 'Awright.' They all walk away. 'Wak wak wak wak wak.' [laughter] 'Let's go watch an episode of Friends.'”
- “So, falling out a window makes you a gymnast? Yeah, the most logical way to leave a scene: backflip all the way down an alley. [laughter] And be really tired when you get there.”
- “Why isn't half the city police force already at that school after half that town just witnessed a laser cut thru it? [laughter] Everyone was looking at something else?”
- “Trailer shot! And it's a "cool" walking-away-from-explosion shot! Hey, isn't that shot on one of your Slurpee cups?”
- “This is what every bar in Canada looks like. Yeah, right. No matter where you go. It's this shabby. ... Inside of a barn, as I leave my igloo with my frickin' sled dogs.”
- “There was an article in Maxim magazine. ... The total cost to be Batman with all of his gear [was] $2.86 million. ... If we win the lottery, ... I'll be Bruce Wayne, and you can be Batman. Or you can be a really fat Robin.”
- “I'd like to know where the Joker got overnight embroidery done for his goons' jackets. ... Do you go to the store where they make embroideries and say, 'Can you make it look exactly like my weird, deformed face?'”
- “The subject of ghost hunting or ghost investigating— It's a very serious business. ... I believe in ghosts, even tho I'm a Christian. ... I believe there's good ghosts and bad ghosts.”
- “I've always been fascinated with pirate movies. ... A ninja will kick a pirate's ass, tho. Don't you dare bring that up! That depends, okay? Ninjas are better alone, while pirates are better in numbers.”
- “Yar! Yar! [2h 15m later] Yarr! Oh God, they're doing it again.”
- “So he gets up, he's knocked for a loop, but the first thing he thinks of is, ' ... I wanna marry my girlfriend. What I'm not gonna do is check to see if [Blofeld] is dead.'”
- “So now we're gonna meet ... the second biggest crime lord in all of Europe. And he has his headquarters in a crummy, run-down warehouse—not a hollowed-out volcano. ... You gotta be number one to do that.”
- “There's a nice bit there, by the way—[Uhura is] delivering a bit of information that becomes vital later while undressing. I like that technique. [laughter] Yes! That's a good film-making technique.”
- “Bond faked his death ... at the beginning of the movie. And then he faked his death in the middle of the movie. So he clearly has three lives just in this movie.”
- “I love these two guys dressed as ketchup and mustard. ... Here we get some more ketchup and mustard guys—and some mayonnaise guys too. ... Apparently the mayonnaise guys are in charge of security.”
- “You would think if you have a jet pack you would fly far enough away that these guys couldn't run and catch up with you. It kind of defeats the idea of having a jet pack, if they can just chase ya down.”
- “The guns I can kind of understand. I'm not quite sure about the flamethrower. [laughter] ... And they've got two of them!”
- “If I was one of these guys, I would've said, 'Well, don't bring it in here then!' ... [laughter] 'Look at it outside! Why is it smoking? Did you heat it up?!' ... 'Did you have to get us all to carry it inside...?' Because it clearly stinks.”
- “[The monster] has been in some sort of [coma] for months, Ygor says. How has Ygor been feeding him? Intravenously? Has he been mashing up his food and sort of, just, pushing it into his mouth?”
- “Now, the premise of this film is that— toy train, toy train, toy train— The premise of this film is that the monster did not die at the end of the second film.”
- “Pepper Potts has now revealed the details of an ultra-secret energy source to a guy in a mall who makes little trophy cases. [laughter] ... Maybe she had him killed afterwards.”
- “In this scene ... the person with the lesser talent [Obadiah] ... is playing a piece of music by Salieri, who [supposedly] was so jealous of Mozart that he murdered him. It's literally underscoring that he's a second banana.”
- “This is not the first time Robert Downey, Jr. has woken up like this, by the way. Yes. Absolutely: on some kind of skanky bed, not knowing where he is, with a sore nose.”
- “If anything went wrong at all, they both would have been ... horribly mangled. ... How would you like to write the police report for that? ... 'He appears to have used a remote control device to run himself over. And they have it on video.'”
- “There we get the line: 'Why don't you take off your clothes? I don't want you to catch pneumonia.' [as Pamela] Nnnnnn— I don't want to catch pregnancy.”
- “I talked over the joke of the— 'Is this your daughter?' 'No. It's my wife.' [laughs] ... All right, we've set up a ... secondary conflict in the film: Hannay versus the crofter.”
- “He seems much, much bigger when he gets to New York City. Of course, maybe he grows. ... 'My God, he's still growing! Stop feeding him...! He's getting enormous!'”
- “You would think that it would come to their attention, at some point, that three laws is maybe not quite enough. ... A fourth law, like, 'Please don't take over the world' would be in order.”
- “[Granny said] that back in her day, people didn't get ... divorced and then never spoke to their ex-spouse— Which would be the 1890s. Well, ... This is 30 years in the future. ... In her day, people did exactly that.”
- “There's bits I object to— [shower scene] This part right here? No, this is fine. This is Will Smith posing for his statue when they finally dedicate Los Angeles to him.”
- “She is actually just a quite attractive woman. ... She looks really lanky in this, tho. She's a method actress.”
- “This movie plays like a special episode of Dawson's Creek. ... Every episode of Dawson's Creek is special.”
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