Quotes from This Week in Geek

[as Kirk at sentencing] Whales. ♪♫ Whaaaales. ♪♫ I plead whales. — TWIG Commentaries,
Star Trek 4 @1:56:47

I like how the climax of this movie is wheeling a guy out of a hospital. It’s more or less a Benny Hill chase scene. — TWIG Commentaries,
Star Trek 4 @1:34:43

[as Kirk] Scottie, that just isn’t gonna work. You gotta do better. [laughter] … [as Scottie] But sir, you gave me two sticks to rub together. F*** you. You’ve been ruinin’ my self-esteem for thirty years! — TWIG Commentaries,
Star Trek 4 @1:25:02

[Spock's] costume just looks so stupid in this movie. I know. The only costume I really like is McCoy’s … and I guess to a lesser extent— Sulu? Chekhov. … No, Sulu looks like he’s wearing a bathrobe. — TWIG Commentaries,
Star Trek 4 @0:44:47

[as Kirk] We’re gonna turn this Klingon bird-of-prey into a … flying, time-traveling aquarium. God, that sounds retarded when you say it out loud. — TWIG Commentaries,
Star Trek 4 @0:35:07

Kirk’s like a space redneck. [laughter] I don’t want him representing me to other races. — TWIG Commentaries,
Star Trek 4 @0:26:13

Winona Ryder was a lot hotter as Spock’s mom. … This chick isn’t bad lookin’ for her age. For an older woman, yeah. I’d do her. A GILF. [laughter] … You’d knock the cobwebs out of those rafters? Oh my god. — TWIG Commentaries,
Star Trek 4 @0:17:16

Did you see how it said no animals or vegetables passed that point? Aaand bam! T-rex is playin’ by its own rules. That’s right. He’ll bring in whatever fruits or vegetables he wants. — TWIG Commentaries,
Lost World: Jurassic Park @1:52:06

I actually also thought that it could’ve ended there and, like, been a sequel. Yeah! Like, ‘Oh! They got the dinosaur in the sequel!’ But, no, it just kept going. Which is cool ’cause: dinosaurs! Exactly! — TWIG Commentaries,
Lost World: Jurassic Park @1:46:17

What we need to do is run directly into the path of the massacre. Because a velociraptor can’t catch us. — TWIG Commentaries,
Lost World: Jurassic Park @1:33:00

Uh oh. Julianne Moore’s pissed. You don’t piss off a ginger. [laughter] Look how sad he is. … Everyone else is sad, but Eddie is devastated. — TWIG Commentaries,
Lost World: Jurassic Park @0:44:04

Pete Postlethwaite … can go from badass to gentle, caring priest—and not in the dirty way— [laughter] —very easily. — TWIG Commentaries,
Lost World: Jurassic Park @0:39:36

Did you see the metaphor of the parallel between the dinosaur parenting vs Malcolm’s parenting of his own children? ♪♫ Doo doo doo. Doo doo doo. ♪♫ — TWIG Commentaries,
Lost World: Jurassic Park @0:34:15

Richard Attenborough should phone up his brother to help him find the dinosaurs, ’cause he’s that narrator from Planet Earth. Which are excellent. And those make you cry. [laughter] Yeah. ‘Cause— Stop. Shut up. — TWIG Commentaries,
Lost World: Jurassic Park @0:17:31

And now here we go. His full transformation of what-the-f*** is complete. … Now his hair is full pink? … It’s been spiked up on both sides. He has rhinestones all over his body. … It looks like he’s some weird sea goddess of the gay world. — This Week in Geek,
Batman Forever @1:49:57

You know, nobody in Gotham has a normal house. It’s true. It’s true. They all have overly elaborate apartments that completely display their personality. But then again, look at my bedroom. Yeah. It’s like a John Hughes set. — This Week in Geek,
Batman Forever @1:05:50

It’s, like, crime montage—and then ultimate laundry. Extreme laundry! And then it goes back to the crime montage. It’s just really weird editing here. — This Week in Geek,
Batman Forever @0:59:59

[as pall-bearer penguins] ‘Uh, guys, so now what do we do?’ [laughter] ‘Uhh.’ ‘Anyone want to go get a coffee?’ ‘Awright.’ They all walk away. ‘Wak wak wak wak wak.’ [laughter] ‘Let’s go watch an episode of Friends.’ — This Week in Geek,
Batman Returns @2:01:18

[Shreck tries to get key] There’s something so funny about Christopher Walken talking to a monkey. [laughter] [as Walken] ‘Hey, monkey!’ … He probably owns pet monkey. — This Week in Geek,
Batman Returns @1:50:26

So, falling out a window makes you a gymnast? Yeah, the most logical way to leave a scene: backflip all the way down an alley. [laughter] And be really tired when you get there. — This Week in Geek,
Batman Returns @0:47:12

I would probably take the taser. … I had [someone] try and sell me one of those. … What would you use it for? Just to taze yourself to see what it was like? … I’d probably taze one of you, but I’d give you a hundred bucks. — This Week in Geek,
Batman Returns @0:28:05

Why isn’t half the city police force already at that school after half that town just witnessed a laser cut thru it? [laughter] Everyone was looking at something else? — TWIG Commentaries,
Wolverine @1:06:34

Trailer shot! And it’s a ‘cool’ walking-away-from-explosion shot! Hey, isn’t that shot on one of your Slurpee cups? — TWIG Commentaries,
Wolverine @0:58:34

This is what every bar in Canada looks like. Yeah, right. No matter where you go. It’s this shabby. … Inside of a barn, as I leave my igloo with my frickin’ sled dogs. — TWIG Commentaries,
Wolverine @0:35:39

There was an article in Maxim magazine. … The total cost to be Batman with all of his gear [was] $2.86 million. … If we win the lottery, … I’ll be Bruce Wayne, and you can be Batman. Or you can be a really fat Robin. — TWIG Commentaries,
Batman @1:19:29

I’d like to know where the Joker got overnight embroidery done for his goons’ jackets. … Do you go to the store where they make embroideries and say, ‘Can you make it look exactly like my weird, deformed face?’ — TWIG Commentaries,
Batman @0:47:10

The subject of ghost hunting or ghost investigating— It’s a very serious business. Oh, for sure. I believe in ghosts, even tho I’m a Christian. … I think there’s good ghosts and bad ghosts. — TWIG Commentaries,
Ghostbusters @0:12:50

I’ve always been fascinated with pirate movies. … A ninja will kick a pirate’s ass, tho. Don’t you dare bring that up! That depends, okay? Ninjas are better alone, while pirates are better in numbers. — TWIG Commentaries,
PotC: The Curse of the Black Pearl

Yar! Yar! [2h 15m later] Yarr! Oh God, they’re doing it again. — TWIG Commentaries,
PotC: The Curse of the Black Pearl