Quotes from Gymkommentary

Is he gonna shoot this guy with the arrow that he pulls out of his back? I think he should’ve shot the arrow while it was still inside his back and flung himself up there. I think that’s very unsanitary. — Gymkommentary,
The Scorpion King @1:24:42

I like that Michael Clarke Duncan didn’t just dress up as a woman. He went so far as to put on eye shadow. Sure, man. Michael Clarke Duncan does not do anything half-assed. … He puts his whole ass into it. — Gymkommentary,
The Scorpion King @1:10:29

[as dead Inventor] I just invented… dying. — Gymkommentary,
The Scorpion King @1:01:12

What?! Coming this fall to Universal Studios! The Scorpion King Toilet Flush Ride! [laughter] How did they fit down the drain?! — Gymkommentary,
The Scorpion King @0:37:53

I think in this one, we have to announce every time The Rock flares his nostrils like he smells something bad. The nostril flare could be a really, really great drinking game. — Gymkommentary,
The Scorpion King @0:17:00

We’re also doing something different this time, Chris, in that … you’ve never even seen this movie before. I saw— I saw it back when it was called Conan the Barbarian. — Gymkommentary,
The Scorpion King @0:03:17

[as Sulu] ‘Bout time. F*** yeah. Sulu at the conn, everyone. Set phasers to groovy. First things first: bring the lighting down a little lower. Oh my. — Gymkommentary,
Star Trek: The Motion Picture @1:59:51

[robot Ilia tries on headband] ‘Do. You. Have. Any. Pumps. That. Will. Match. It? … This. Would. Go. Great. With. My. Dolce. Bag.’ — Gymkommentary,
Star Trek: The Motion Picture @1:36:03

Captain, the intruder has sent us four friend requests on Facebook. … He’s also requested that we like his band. The V-gers. — Gymkommentary,
Star Trek: The Motion Picture @1:05:55

What is the substance that powers the Enterprise? Hopes and dreams? No. William Shatner’s unchecked ego? No. Farts? No. Any more guesses? Children’s screams? The answer is: White Castle hamburgers. — Gymkommentary,
Star Trek: The Motion Picture @0:28:28

Look, man, some guys go their whole lives without attaining ‘Kholinar’. … Maybe he needs to attend the Kholinary Institute. No, but I’m probably guessing that eventually they’re gonna have to give him a Kholinarscapy. Ew. — Gymkommentary,
Star Trek: The Motion Picture @0:16:28

Spock’s taking a holiday on planet Harryhausen. — Gymkommentary,
Star Trek: The Motion Picture @0:14:35

They were still sort of working out the design of the Klingons. Yeah. In the original series, they sort of looked— I always like to refer to them as Space Mexicans. [laughter] Beause they only really had just goatees and tans. — Gymkommentary,
Star Trek: The Motion Picture @0:10:37

When in North Vietnam, be sure to see scenic Poop Lake. [laughter] … Pig sh** spas will just lift your troubles away. The secret ingredient [pause] is pig sh**. — Gymkommentary,
Rambo: First Blood Part II @0:52:22

What Rambo doesn’t know is that these Russian boats are actually made out of gasoline, tinder, … campfire logs— [laughter] And old children’s Halloween costumes. … They are extraordinarily flammable, as you’ll see in a minute. — Gymkommentary,
Rambo: First Blood Part II @0:43:46

Am I looking at his ass? No. You’re looking at my arm, actually. I was the arm double for Stallone in this movie, and … I was in phenomenal shape. That looked like sausage being made. I was down to -4% body fat. — Gymkommentary,
Rambo: First Blood Part II @0:15:17

Just how I like my movies to end: on notes of confusion, panic, frustration, fear, and emptiness. That’s right. Kickin’ Joseph Campbell right in the nuts. — Gymkommentary,
Wolverine @1:44:15

[as Stryker's technician] In retrospect, if we had these adamantium bullets and a guy who was an incredible shot like Agent Zero, we probably should have given him these bullets. [laughing] Oops. … That’s on me. — Gymkommentary,
Wolverine @1:00:31

Why would Nigerian diamond smugglers … have Muzak playing in their elevator? — Gymkommentary,
Wolverine @0:16:35

Now he’s jumped from [All Quiet on the Western Front] to Saving Private Ryan. So maybe he’s not traveling thru the century. Maybe he’s just traveling thru the Universal Studios back lot. — Gymkommentary,
Wolverine @0:08:37

Any final thoughts before we begin? Um, no. You know what? No. [laughter] Because thinking is what got us into the mess in the first place. — Gymkommentary,
Wolverine @0:02:54

You know, I’ll never forget where I was the day Mega Shark ate the Golden Gate Bridge. — Gymkommentary,
Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus @1:00:13

[love scene] I think I have an inverted boner right now. — Gymkommentary,
Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus @0:44:43

Is something wrong with our DVD, Chris? … Look, it’s black and white; it’s color. … This DVD and film suffers from CSI’s Disease. A lot of quick cuts and flashy camera moves. — Gymkommentary,
Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus @0:25:08

[as Seiji] Show me on the doll where the giant octopus touched you. [as Survivor] It touched me on my mangina. — Gymkommentary,
Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus @0:20:53

This really paints an interesting picture of these two. Yes. Drinking booze in paper bags. These guys look like serious research scientists. — Gymkommentary,
Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus @0:17:12

It’s directed by a gentleman named Ace Hannah, which is a pseudonym for … Jack Perez, which sounds to me like a pseudonym for somethin’ else. … I think it’s David Mamet. I think Mamet is using multiple aliases. — Gymkommentary,
Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus @0:02:54

[as Nick Cage] Oh man! That cop was made of bees! … How did I not notice that?! How did I not figure that one out?! — Gymkommentary,
Wicker Man @1:16:34

This is almost as exciting as when he was looking thru the barn and found nothing. … I’m sure he’ll find some way to get himself into a boring life-or-death situation. — Gymkommentary,
Wicker Man @1:13:40

On this island, men are really only being used for menial tasks and then also they just bang ‘em a lot? Correct. … I was under the assumption that we were watching a long-form recruitment video for Summersisle. — Gymkommentary,
Wicker Man @1:09:45

Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe this movie is fantastic. If it were just scene after scene of Nicolas Cage drinking mead. — Gymkommentary,
Wicker Man @0:22:52

This was a question I think a lot of people had on their minds before this movie came out: who will win in a fight: break dancers or bulldozers? How about a break-dozer? See, now— Or a bull-dancer? — Gymkommentary,
Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo @1:15:23

See, this is why I don’t like hospitals. … A) Everyone starts break dancing when you’re trying to get treatment. And B) the smell. — Gymkommentary,
Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo @1:07:59

I love how offended he was by [being called] ‘wacked’. [as lawyer] Who said that?! My heart’s breaking inside! — Gymkommentary,
Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo @1:02:24

[Rooftop dance] He’s like Aqua-Man, calling all the whales to him. [as TV announcer] Suddenly! [Aqua-Man mental powers sound] Ozone uses his amazing break-dancing powers to call on the people of the streets! — Gymkommentary,
Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo @0:57:20

Not too many people know this, but Ozone actually served in the Civil War. That’s where he got that hat. It was at the Battle of Antietam. He actually popped and locked his way to victory. Four score and seven boogies ago…. — Gymkommentary,
Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo @0:21:11

What was your break dancing name? My break dancing name was ‘Squiggly Bop.’ … I had to change it, because … there was a guy in Boston that had the same name. Oh. So then I changed it to ‘Dennis Kucinich.’ — Gymkommentary,
Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo @0:11:25

Oh look, the plot just drove up. Yeah, whitey just showed up. That guy looks like 1950s clip art. — Gymkommentary,
Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo @0:15:04