Quotes from Michael Douglas

[Shot of corpse of guy who kept making trumpet noises] [trumpeting 'Taps'] — Drunken Zombie,
Prince of Darkness @1:15:07

There’s one scene in Toy Story 2 that I almost cried at. … If you’re almost gonna cry, you need to go all out and just do it. Yeah, but it’s— I cried during Serpico. — Technicolor Commentary,
Toy Story @0:16:55

What kind of a gun battle is this that nobody is taking cover?! They’re just wandering around aimlessly! — Tysto Commentaries,
Machete @1:34:59

That cellphone that Cordelia pulled out of her purse, … I think it’s the only cellular phone that we see in the series all the way until the season premier of season 7. — Sofa Dogs,
Buffy the Vampire Slayer 1×01 @0:35:28

Why are [Johnny and Ace] friends now? Because he beat him, so he respects him. Ah. Plus, he’s so high right now…. — Down in Front,
Starship Troopers @0:46:57

Don’t mind me. I just need a chunk of your tongue for my collection. — QuipTracks,
Jurassic Park

This is the great final act of this movie, too. The ship’s gonna blow up in 9 minutes, and you’ve got essentially William Shatner and Snape to save you. What will happen? — Poufwa Exchange,
Galaxy Quest @1:20:02

Quidditch! It’s like the WNBA divided by curling. … Can we get a rules refresher on quidditch? Yeah. The object is to sit and wait for Harry’s team to win. — Rifftrax,
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets @0:55:19

I think [Dolph Lundgren] did a really good job. Even now, I struggle to think of anyone else to play He-Man. I totally agree. I think he gets blasted for this movie a lot, and I don’t get it. I mean, he plays He-Man like He-Man. — Masters of the Universe Chronicles,
Masters of the Universe @0:13:14

Kind of a fantastic combination. It places itself very much in the middle between Blade Runner and the Super Mario movie. [laughter] I didn’t think that was possible, but they did it. — Speakeasy,
Judge Dredd @0:07:33

In any situation in which someone important has died around you, trying kissing them. [laughter] ‘Cause it always seems to work. … It couldn’t hurt. Altho, it may taste kind of weird, depending on what they died of. — Down in Front,
The Matrix @2:11:37

If we wanted to wave our special edition magic wands—if we fixed about five shark shots, I think we’d be done. … Just cleaned up a couple seams, or whatever. … And maybe do something with Murray Hamilton’s jacket. — Down in Front,
Jaws @2:11:44

[re: major drama] It’s called ‘Miracle Day,’ where no one dies. Uh-oh. Ha ha! Problem. … There’s other ways to create drama other than dying. Name one. My first wife. — Blogtor Who,
Torchwood ‘Miracle Day: The New World’ @0:10:25

[re: anal probing] He gets on board the space craft without ever asking anybody, ‘Hey … What did they do to you?’ [laughter] … They’re not … hugging [the aliens] and going, ‘We’re gonna miss you guys so much.’ — Speakeasy and Tysto,
Close Encounters of the Third Kind @1:33:35

Is it the only werewolf in history that kills people by beating them with a bat? [laughter] I can’t think of another werewolf that does that. — Arrow in the Head,
Silver Bullet @1:23:40

I’m willing to go out on a limb and say Sharon Stone’s the best thing in this movie. Yes! [applause] … I think Sharon Stone got it. — DVD PodBlast,
Catwoman @1:13:46

She’s married the wrong thing. She’s married to a robot. He’s dancin’ inside, goin’, ‘Whaha! You married the wrong thing! I got away with it!’ ‘Again!’ So they’re not really married! — Blogtor Who,
Doctor Who ‘Wedding of River Song’ @0:40:31

Cheryl is now … Nicolette Foster. And she’s been working very actively in another industry of southern California, and that’d be the adult film industry. Really? … Well, I knew she looked familiar…. — Frank Farina and Soulless Minions,
Pump up the Volume @0:21:22

Isn’t [Dean Jones] the straight man in all the Disney movies that he’s in? He is in That Darn Cat as well. Yeah, and in The Love Bug … he’s the straight man to a car. — DVDCommentaries.co.uk,
Blackbeard’s Ghost @0:03:37

Heterosexual union is a very common thing in the works of Shakespeare— Wow. Where’re you goin’ with this? — Blogtor Who,
Torchwood ‘Miracle Day: The Blood Line’ @0:36:21

Wouldn’t it be funny if the wee baby was going, [wee baby voice] ‘He’s in there! Granddad’s in there! He’s in there! Down there!’ — Blogtor Who,
Torchwood ‘Miracle Day: The Gathering’ @0:15:06

My theory is that they’ve involved … Pink Floyd. … ‘Could we borrow a bunch of equipment and also your technicians?’ ‘But you can leave the inflatable pig at home.’ [laughter] … ‘If anything, it could create a diplomatic incident.’ — Speakeasy and Tysto,
Close Encounters of the Third Kind @1:54:43

[love scene] I think I have an inverted boner right now. — Gymkommentary,
Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus @0:44:43

When Hef was there in 1979, shooting that made-for-TV movie, he also did a spread with the Playboy bunnies. So … you can see the bunnies on all these rides. — Coaster Radio,
Rollercoaster @0:05:40

Wow, those bullets did some serious damage to that car. … I don’t want to say that’s not possible, but there’s a Mythbusters on that. … Dang it! Mythbusters takes all the romance out of my life. — Jon Madsen and Friends,
Cobra @0:49:46

Ron was very, very put out that Harry didn’t tell him how he put his name in the Goblet of Fire but not bothered at all by the fact that he was kidnapped and used as bait. — Tysto Commentaries,
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire @2:24:37

[sniff] No, that was just me sniffing. Don’t worry. We watched this three or four times beforehand, so we could become desensitized. I didn’t. I may become a weepy mess. — Radio Free Skaro,
Doctor Who ‘Doomsday’ @0:38:07

If you think about it, they really only want to destroy your possessions. The gremlins are very Buddhist in that way. — Technicolor Commentary,
Gremlins @1:21:10

When he goes under the truck, that’s the clearest Yakima Canutt [homage]. … Trey represents the knowledge of this podcast. Well, just the old and cranky knowledge. [laughter] But isn’t that the best kind of knowledge? — Down in Front,
Raiders of the Lost Ark @1:21:10

[re: huge action movies] People [will] see it in theaters. … Unless you have a really expensive home theater system, which in eastern Kentucky they don’t allow us. … They’re confiscated with our toothpaste. … And our deodorant. — Deadpit Radio,
Terminator 2 @1:06:01

We said this in our movie review months ago: very Kirby in Asgard, very Straczynski on Earth. — Legion of Dudes,
Thor @1:54:09

Now, when I was a bully, … I never stripped little boys. … Little too Leopold and Loeb there, I don’t know. — DVD PodBlast,
Dreamcatcher @0:27:34

See, this is why I don’t like hospitals. … A) Everyone starts break dancing when you’re trying to get treatment. And B) the smell. — Gymkommentary,
Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo @1:07:59

[The pendulum] is the coolest way to die. … It depends on how slowly it descends, ’cause you want to get it over quickly. You don’t want it to papercut you for 40 hours. — Terror Transmission,
The Pit and the Pendulum @0:42:44

[Maxi Dean and wife getting launched thru ceiling] And he just totally killed those two people. Yep. Sure did. And we’re just gonna skate right past it. — Sofa Dogs with Dorkman,
Beetlejuice @1:20:55

Everything this movie fails at, I just buy, for some reason. So do I. I mean, I love this movie. Its problems are, kind of like, great. — Pulp Nightmare,
The Shadow @0:36:55

[as Stallone] This guy’s good. So not an actor, huh? What did he do for a living? [as Kotcheff] He was a logger. He actually got laid off from the mills. What does that mean? ‘Logger’? In porno? — MovieRot,
First Blood @0:13:47

Old Jon Favreau, boy. He slimmed down. … In high school or college, he was a champion weight-lifter. … He used to bench-press a ridiculous amount of money. … ‘Amount of money‘? Well, that’s what he does now. He bench-presses money. — Legion of Dudes,
Iron Man @0:21:38

That’s her husband-to-be, by the way, so you understand why she’s not that into it. Fat horse-man? … Yeah, Fat horse-man, that’s the fifth horseman of the Apocalypse. [laughter] … War, Pestilence, Famine, Death, and Fat. — Down in Front,
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon @1:22:41

I remember [Gina Gershon] most from Showgirls, I’m sorry. [laughter] … I was gonna say Bound. … I haven’t seen either of those films. … I’ve seen Bound, I think, once. I’ve seen the sex scene in Bound about 75 times. — DVDCommentaries.co.uk,
Red Heat @0:48:34

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