Quotes from John and Josh

One wonders why the Oracle doesn’t move here, ’cause this looks pretty nice. She could clean it up and have a lot more space. … There’s probably a lot of asbestos. [laughter] … ‘I can’t make cookies here!’ — Tysto and Sofa Dogs,
The Matrix @1:21:00

[as Brink, Bibi's coach] ‘You must have a sponsor. I had many sponsors when I was your age. I had to do many ‘endorsements’ that were unsavory to me. Hint, hint.’ — Tysto Commentaries,
For Your Eyes Only @1:48:36

I think you’re just dangling bait above Sharktopus now. … But they’ve got a good view. I mean, you should be able spot Sharktopus from— OH MY GOD THERE IT IS OH GAA OH GAAA Oh, she’s been eaten by the Sharktopus! — Tysto Commentaries,
Sharktopus @0:22:52

In [Alien], she finds Tom Skerritt. Yeah. … How horrific has that got to be? You’re still alive, … and everything from your knees down has turned into [an] alien organism that is going to end with a catcher’s mitt with a vagina mouth. — Cort & Fatboy,
Aliens @0:40:27

This thing doesn’t have to do much. … But this is … a damn good puppet. It’s not a puppet, Trey. It’s a triceratops. Yeah. Shut-up your mouth. — Down in Front,
Jurassic Park @0:54:58

[as Blair] Item number one: I think we should all kill ourselves. [pause] And that’s really all I’ve got on the agenda. So, uh, questions? … We can table the rest until later, if we want to talk about [who ruined] the chess computer. — Down in Front,
The Thing @0:59:58

Hagrid looks like Sweetums. — Down in Front,
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone @0:42:10

[re: spaceship] Wow, what a sh*tty design. … ‘Roger, roger, this is the Testicle 1. [laughter] Prepare for docking into the ball sack area. We’re goin’ up into the taint right now.’ — Geek Savants,
Jason X @0:22:15

[Tom Wilkinson] looks like an evil grandpa. An evil grandpa? Yeah. — Camera Eye,
Batman Begins

Wouldn’t that have been ace if that was the tagline, tho? ‘The same sh** happens to the same guy.’ … Mind you, what’s amazing: how can the same sh** happen to the same guy four times? [laughter] That’s bad luck, that is. — DVDCommentaries.co.uk,
Die Hard 2 @0:23:10

I went down to Tesco’s to find something wholly appropriate for this to drink, but I couldn’t find it, so I got a Jack Daniels and Coke in a can. Perfect— In a can? Yeah. Classy. — Speakeasy & the Denim Cowboy,
Omen III @ 0:00:59

And the first mustache of the show. … Oh, hang on, there’s another one in the background. … So, if you’re playing the Doctor Who drinking game, take a couple of sips. — Blogtor Who,
Doctor Who ‘The Impossible Astronaut’ @0:01:29

So this is Carole Bouquet as Melina. … Beautiful girl but quite tragically born without a functioning forehead. … From time to time, she actually opens her eyes all the way. I guess that’s acting. — Tysto Commentaries,
For Your Eyes Only @0:25:00

[re: air attack] I had the same experience flyin’ to LA, actually. [laughter] This is it, eh? … Comin’ down was a little rough. — Prognosis Negative,
Quantum of Solace @1:10:25

[as Cedric] I’ll help you up because I’m a nice guy. Yeah. He is an all-American boy. Except that he’s not American. … That’s an expression over here in the States, boys and girls. — Pottercast,
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire @0:08:52

Is there a non-subjective way to win a gee-string contest? Or does it just come down to the cutest girl? Probably who dances the best. … That’s what I would judge it on. — Jon Madsen and friends,
Road House @0:47:45

A lot of people are critical of this Blu-ray transfer because Hot Rod is pink. … But for someone to not go with the Blu-ray route because of that is ridiculous, since the widescreen DVD is just one giant compression artifact. — Commentary Track Stars,
Transformers: The Movie @0:10:00

This is like the real horror movie cliche that someone’s trying to kill [Amidala], so she goes to bed. I’m surprised she’s not having a shower or going down to the cellar. — MMM Commentaries,
Star Wars 2: Attack of the Clones @0:10:46

These people are Death Eaters? … Yeah. … I’ve seen all of these movies, and it never occurred to me once that these people sitting at the table were the guys that are all smoky and flying around attacking people. — Sidetracked,
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows 1 @0:11:29

If you’re wife’s called ‘Barbara,’ why would you call your kid ‘Barbara’? Well, the other kid’s called ‘Jim.’ Really?! … Both?! … They’re very imaginative these parents. — MMM Commentaries,
The Dark Knight @1:22:36

The crazy things Michael Myers can do, and then it’s like, ‘Oh, I can’t push a lift open. [laughter] That’d be too much trouble.’ … I think he enjoys the suspense of chasing someone and making mistakes. — DVDCommentaries.co.uk,
Halloween 2 @1:09:12

Why isn’t his official phone red? He’s doing this wrong. … If I had an official phone, you’re goddamned right it’d be red. I would paint it red and give it a little googly eye. … Add a little flashy thing on top. — Down in Front,
Jaws @0:12:39

I look at [Denise Richard's] eyes, and there’s nothing there. … I think she receives a… bum deal? Is that a phrase? I reckon she does eventually. I reckon Bond gets round to it. — All of Whine and Space,
The World is Not Enough @0:19:37

There’s a great economy of story-telling in this movie, and it actually sometimes is too economical. [laughs] It’s a little miserly story-telling. — Tysto Commentaries,
The 39 Steps @0:09:41

Holy cow. ‘Completely composed of stem cells’? I’m completely scienced. That guy totally scienced me. — Tysto Commentaries,
Mega Piranha @0:45:23

People complain about the product placement in Bond films. But I always think that’s what Bond’s fighting for. He’s not fighting for people like you and me. He’s fighting for J&B and Rolex and Aston Martin. — DVDCommentaries.co.uk,
The Living Daylights @0:19:40

I want to do this someday. I want to be in a wife-beater in my fancy mansion, cleaning out an arrow wound on my arm after a night of crime-fighting. — Pulp Nightmare,
The Shadow @1:02:19

We saw the Statue of Liberty … and [my dad] goes, ‘The torch is the weakest part of that thing. That would have fallen off first.’ [laughter] He’s a practical man. He is! He’s a metallurgist. — Film Grok,
Planet of the Apes @0:04:50

I think [Snake is] the only person in both these films who does care. … And everybody else has given up on America. And they’ve allowed America to become a fascist state. — DVDCommentaries.co.uk,
Escape from LA @0:34:05

Now, the premise of this film is that— toy train, toy train, toy train— The premise of this film is that the monster did not die at the end of the second film. — Tysto Commentaries,
Son of Frankenstein @0:04:33

[as Nick Cage, offering contract] I found this in another movie I was in called National Treasure. — Slam/Smash Co.,
Ghost Rider @1:47:20

As much as I love this film, I always sit down with the remake intent on trying to like it. … The Fog [remake] was almost mercenary in its slipshod shi*ttiness. — Weinberg’s House of Horror,
The Fog (1980) @0:57:19

Sam Worthington is much more interesting in his avatar body. … There’s a team of visual effects artists putting charisma on top of him. … I think he [was] over-acting in the mo-cap to get it thru, and that equated to acting. — Down in Front,
Avatar @0:39:12

She’ll proportion herself anyway she wants. … I want that superpower. I want my wife to have that superpower. … I think all women want that superpower. — Film Grok,
The Incredibles @1:19:59

Dorkman, when you’re trying to blend into a party, and you have the option to blend in by way of trapeze, don’t you take it? — What Are You Doing, Movie?,
Van Helsing @1:35:18

Would you do Sprite? [Laughter] If she was regular size, dude. She has wings. Come on, that’s hot. — ScrewAttack,
Legend of Zelda ‘Cold Spells’

The one film that it reminds me of is Life of Brian. … All along he’s paralleling the life of Jesus and being mistaken for the messiah. — Tysto Commentaries,
Pink Five Saga @0:10:04

Buffy tells Xander that he can’t come along and help her. … He’d get hurt or killed. But yet … were it not for her friends helping her … Buffy probably would have died … by the end of the season. — Sofa Dogs,
Buffy the Vampire Slayer 1×02 @0:11:16

So if he doesn’t get shot in the gut, then he doesn’t become a timecop. Or if neither one dies, he can become a timecop—then they can be timecop partners. — Podcast Easting Contest,
Timecop @1:24:09

The gunshots are really good in this. Yeah, they are pretty good. ‘Cause remember in the late ’80s, early ’90s, … every gunshot in a movie had the same sound? — Bronson Five,
Live Free or Die Hard @0:14:25

Get 40 more…