Quotes from Irvin Kershner

By that, it looks like Jupiter has five Galilean moons, which is not the case. How many moons does it have? It only has 4 Galilean moons. [in background] Nerd! — Down in Front,
2001: A Space Odyssey @2:07:44

Give him the car with all the gadgets in it? [Wade drives off.] … It’d be funny just to see the ejector seat go off about now. [laughter] You hear a bit of country and western music as he’s hit the radio switch and then woompf! — MMM Commentaries,
Goldeneye @1:33:09

Rock monster. It looks better than Shatner’s rock monster. … Which you can find on the Star Trek V DVD. Altho … Shatner’s rock monster doesn’t look like a rock monster. But it does look kind of like a bad-ass alien costume. — Commentary Track Stars,
Galaxy Quest @0:59:29

I love the design of the sandworm. … I love that it’s basically Dune. And in fact in the script it says, ‘It’s basically Dune.’ — Sofa Dogs,
Beetlejuice @0:21:46

I’d expect you to carry me across the jungle. At least bury me in English soil, sir. I’d leave you there. … Would you just leave me in the jungle…?! Ha! I’d cook ya and eat ya. — Speakeasy,
Predator @0:54:41

Old Jon Favreau, boy. He slimmed down. … In high school or college, he was a champion weight-lifter. … He used to bench-press a ridiculous amount of money. … ‘Amount of money‘? Well, that’s what he does now. He bench-presses money. — Legion of Dudes,
Iron Man @0:21:38

You can draw a straight line from this to Avatar. … [It's] as flat as possible. … Apart from all the violence, it’s really palatable. … This is like a very tasty vanilla ice cream cone with explosion sprinkles. — Cort & Fatboy,
Terminator 2 @0:44:10

What made me chuckle here is [River] fires off five [shots]. She didn’t have her sixth one ’cause she’d already blew it on his hat. — Blogtor Who,
Doctor Who ‘The Impossible Astronaut’ @0:09:09

There’s a nice bit there, by the way—[Uhura is] delivering a bit of information that becomes vital later while undressing. I like that technique. [laughter] Yes! That’s a good film-making technique. — Speakeasy & Tysto,
Star Trek @0:39:52

[This was] the first time Al Pacino and Robert De Niro actually shared some on-screen time together. … That’s how the film was marketed. … ‘If you’d like 3 minutes of these two actors, then this 3-hour film is for you.’ — MMM Commentaries,
Heat @0:01:54

Once the Nazis get the Ark, if Indy went home, it would turn out the same way. … Now, if this was a Vin Diesel movie, he would kill all the Nazis and then he would punch God back into the box. — Down in Front,
Raiders of the Lost Ark @0:04:40

[as Dumbledore, to Harry:] Remember this: you have friends here. You’re not alone. Soon, you will have Dolores Umbridge to be your very best friend. [pause] Not me tho. I will be busy next year. — Tysto Commentaries,
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire @2:21:51

Renny Harlin loves snowy action. He did Cliffhanger, right? Why wouldn’t he? Isn’t he Finnish or something? Swedish? Or Norwegian. He’s actually an abominable snowman. He’s a yeti. — Film Pigs,
Die Hard 2 @1:30:14

I don’t know about you, but if this man would have offered me breakfast, I would have taken it. … It’s gonna be good food. Exactly! Oh, you have peppered bacon that’s slow smoked over tasty, maple nom nom…? — Jon Madsen and friends,
Road House @0:56:40

Can I just say—? I’m not covered in mood slime, but I love you guys. Thanks, man. — DVDCommentaries.co.uk,
Ghostbusters 2 @1:35:11

[as Nightowl] Finally, I hook up with this girl. … She immediately goes back to the blue freak. And I just saw his wang, and it’s three times the size of mine. [laughter] And blue, like a raspberry Laffy Taffy. — Jon Madsen and friends,
The Watchmen @1:55:41

You know who’s up on my comedy radar lately as sort of a comic genius, speaking of Stepbrothers? Dude, Stepbrothers sucked. OH MY GOD— We’ll table that for a moment…. — DVD PodBlast,
Dinner for Schmucks @0:27:37

It always is the main girl and the main guy, and we gotta try to hook ‘em up. But … for all he knows, she’s the last decent, human, non-infected person on Earth. … She’s conned him twice, … take the word ‘decent’ out of the description. — Widescreen Warrior,
Zombieland @0:41:54

You have the Master killing Rassilon with laser beams out of his hands. … It would have been cooler if the Master had eaten him. [laughter] ‘The only thing that can make me whole is Time Lord flesh!‘ — Podcast of Impossible Things,
Doctor Who ‘End of Time 2’ @0:57:01

Why would he let her go? Humphrey Bogart wouldn’t let her go. … Why does she even need to fly anywhere? Because every single human being in that operation is dead. — Tysto Commentaries,
Raw Deal @1:44:03

[re: 'Now you know what I do for a living'] I beat people up at basketball courts. — Bootleg Director,
The Expendables @0:57:00

This convention of Little Red Riding Hood actually killing the wolf is at least as old as 1931 with James Thurber and his book The Thurber Carnival. — Sofa Dogs,
Trick ‘r Treat @0:52:22

He says clearly, ‘I don’t like guns,’ and yet on the poster, he’s shooting two of them at the same time. It’s like [announcer voice] ‘Humphrey Bogart in Bad Boys II!’ — Tysto Commentaries,
The Maltese Falcon @0:11:15

[as Jennifer] I’ll kill you when you get back. … I’m gonna drink the cat while you’re gone. I hope you don’t mind. — Brothers Dunlap,
Mansquito @0:42:20

So Michael Myers is 21 now. So he’s old enough to drink. … He clearly went to the bar. … [as Michael] I’m gonna fill up on root beer schnapps and Beer Nuts before I [kill some people]. — Sofa Dogs,
Halloween @0:59:47

[re: David's demise] Is human flesh this easy to rip open? That’s a good question. We must find out… for science! For science! — Shut Up & Watch This,
Shaun of the Dead @1:32:25

Next to the midgets—they frighten me—the other thing in this world that frightens me… is tampons. They, ohhh. I can hook you up with both. — AfterShock Commentaries,
Sin City

That is actually a monster boloney sandwich. That is an entire package of Oscar Mayer boloney. … Am I to believe than that he’s saving the world by eating a boloney sandwich? — DVD Verdict,
Troll 2 @1:29:45

This f***in’ little kid. I’m like, god, this is my favorite person. He’s the moral center of the boat. He’s like, ‘I’m sorry you couldn’t go look at your stupid animals. Here’s a bug.’ — Down in Front,
Master and Commander @1:16:24

There’s a director’s cut … where [Riggs] goes to a schoolyard. That’s not in this movie. Yeah, there is a director’s cut— He shoots some kids?! [laughter] No, he shoots a sniper! — DVDCommentaries.co.uk,
Lethal Weapon @0:17:00

I love this. … ‘What were you doing?’ My question, tho, is: what was he doing? He sort of goes, ‘I wasn’t kissing him!’ … ‘Don’t come in here! I’m wrapping presents!’ — Tysto and Sofa Dogs,
The Matrix @1:44:49

If you work it out, it turns out [her daughter] must have died just before Ripley got back. … Maybe she died of the shock. ‘Your mother’s back.’ ‘Oh, crap! I haven’t tidied my room for 57 years!’ — Speakeasy,
Aliens @0:13:30

Does it makes sense when he’s on the run from everyone for him to have his personal camera man? He’s just trying to stay alive and survive. And the guy’s just like, ‘I’m just doin’ my job. I just gotta document this.’ — Sick Feats,
District 9 @0:13:31

The actor for Torgo was pretty much high every day on the making of this movie, which is rather obvious. But he’s also the redeeming factor of the movie. — Thunder Moose,
Manos: The Hands of Fate 0:11:31

For anyone listening to this commentary in five years’ time, a video shop was a place that had videos … you had a card, and you could rent them, a bit like stuff that you do online now. You actually had to go out of your house. — DVDCommentaries.co.uk,
The Lost Boys @0:33:24

What do you think of the outfit they’ve given Jaws? … I like it. It’s not something I would choose to wear myself— It would be way too big for you. — All of Whine and Space,
The Spy Who Loved Me @0:56:00

I don’t think that it’s an issue of Joss Whedon is going, ‘I’ve got this great idea for a movie about a bear that, like, kidnaps a rainbow, and I don’t know how to direct that.’ — Commentary Track Stars and Sofa Dogs,
Cabin in the Woods @0:32:49

Jake Busey. … Again, psycho: not such a stretch. Look at the gene pool he came from. — AfterShock Commentaries,
The Frighteners @0:19:25

Young sexy girl in dark corridor. Oh yes. I never really fancied her that much, tho. She’s got a bit of squirrel face. — Cultdom Collective,
Doctor Who ‘Rose’ @0:07:04

‘He’s far better off growing up away from all that.’ That’s the first time Dumbledore is wrong in the films. [laughs] Harry grows up … with the Dursleys in an absolutely miserable, abusive, emotionally void existence. — Tysto Commentaries,
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone @0:10:16

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