About this commentary
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- 2010.Oct.21 / 12am
Star Trek: The Motion Picture (director’s cut)by: Gymkommentary • tags: 1970s • feature • free • Star.Trek • directed by: Robert.Wise • stars: Leonard.Nimoy • William.Shatner
Star Trek movies. The final frontier. These are the commentary tracks of the website. Its continuing mission: to make fun of terrible films, to seek out new cinematic garbage and new celluloid travesties. To boldly mock where we’re pretty sure at least a couple others have gone before.
Now just hum the TOS theme as you read through the rest of this.
The Tale of the Tape
Film: Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979)
Director: Robert Wise
Runtime: 136 minutes (The “Shockingly Indulgent Edition” “Director’s Cut”)
Genre: Slow-Moving Sci-Fi
Stars: William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, DeForest Kelley, All Those Other Guys From “Star Trek” Plus The Dad From “7th Heaven”
Rated: PG for Intense Phaser Violence, Graphic Kolinahr, Scenes of Masturbation (By the Special Effects Department), Crimes Against Fashion of the Future.
IMDb, Wikipedia, The Worst of Trek
To get this STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE GYMKOMMENTARY FILE in your iTunes, open iTunes then go “Advanced” to “Subscribe to Podcast” and then enter this link:
Some people might see a movie like Star Trek: The Motion Picture and think, “This movie’s boring, I wonder what’s on Sleuth.” I saw it and thought “This movie’s boring, I gotta watch this with Chris!” And watch it we did, though I wouldn’t say we were…energized? Get it? Energized? Star Trek? Eh? Eh? Eh.
Anyway if you’re a fan of ponderous science-fiction with no sense of pacing, and of two goofballs doing terrible James Doohan impressions while drinking straight Coconut Jack, this movie and this Gymkommentary are for you. And if you’re not, may we suggest our upcoming sci-fi reality show V’Ger-sey Shore, about a spaceship full of Gorilla Juiceheads who encounter a mysterious intelligence on the edge of space (i.e. Belmar, New Jersey).
They were still sort of working out the design of the Klingons. Yeah. In the original series, they sort of looked— I always like to refer to them as Space Mexicans. [laughter] Beause they only really had just goatees and tans.— Gymkommentary,
Star Trek: The Motion Picture @0:10:37
Spock’s taking a holiday on planet Harryhausen.— Gymkommentary,
Star Trek: The Motion Picture @0:14:35
Look, man, some guys go their whole lives without attaining ‘Kholinar’. … Maybe he needs to attend the Kholinary Institute. No, but I’m probably guessing that eventually they’re gonna have to give him a Kholinarscapy. Ew.— Gymkommentary,
Star Trek: The Motion Picture @0:16:28
What is the substance that powers the Enterprise? Hopes and dreams? No. William Shatner’s unchecked ego? No. Farts? No. Any more guesses? Children’s screams? The answer is: White Castle hamburgers.— Gymkommentary,
Star Trek: The Motion Picture @0:28:28
Captain, the intruder has sent us four friend requests on Facebook. … He’s also requested that we like his band. The V-gers.— Gymkommentary,
Star Trek: The Motion Picture @1:05:55
[robot Ilia tries on headband] ‘Do. You. Have. Any. Pumps. That. Will. Match. It? … This. Would. Go. Great. With. My. Dolce. Bag.’— Gymkommentary,
Star Trek: The Motion Picture @1:36:03
[as Sulu] ‘Bout time. F*** yeah. Sulu at the conn, everyone. Set phasers to groovy. First things first: bring the lighting down a little lower. Oh my.— Gymkommentary,
Star Trek: The Motion Picture @1:59:51