Film Sack 149: ID4 COMMENTARY TRACK EDITION!

Mike and Max try to figure out what “ID4″ stands for. Also, Mike can’t tell attractive black women apart. E.G. Vivica A. Fox and Vanessa Williams.

In this special commentary episode of The Nerdy Dirty, we drink a lot. We also watch a movie. YAY! Our pick tonight is the movie Independence Day starring Will Smith. So crack open a beer, push play on your copy of the movie, and join us in all the alien invading, scenery chewing, virus downloading fun. Welcome to Erf!

E3 is over and we have a commentary track for Independence Day.

Join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs and me as we relax with an old favorite. Men in Black 3 is in the theaters, so we nod our heads along with Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones in the original. Often imitated (I’m looking at you, Hellboy), never duplicated, it’s a modern classic—all the more remarkable for being rewritten on the fly and helmed by the hit-or-miss Barry Sonnenfeld.

We talk about Smith and Jones and Sonnenfeld’s other films, discuss the sequel, and marvel at the cast in general. I call it a nearly nearly perfect film, and we analyze what makes us hold back on the unconditional love.

From Sofa Dogs Podcast:

Record Date: May 29, 2012, 10:29 PM

Plot Summary: A determined cop is recruited by a shadowy, secret government organization to police the universe and save the world from an alien threat.

Note: Tysto returns to revisit the now 15-year-old classic, science fiction comedy. We discuss the film’s comic book origins, how it holds up today, the cast and crew, production problems and the franchise in general. Remember to listen to the preemptive countdown before starting the movie on your DVD.

Tysto

Sofa Dogs

As Dead, Bovie, Kitty and Shacks sit down to complain about volume and argue for 20 minutes about someone’s name they would want to put a DISCLAIMER: They do not have a full grasp of the Muslim faith. Any assumptions or knowledge they claim to have comes from that one religion course Dead took in high school and what they have picked up from non-Fox related media. If they have offended anyone in anyway, that was not the intent and they apologize.

Instructions: pause commentary right after the 3, 2, 1 countdown. Unpause commentary when 20th Century Fox logo appears onscreen. You should be synced up, or at least close enough for the purposes of this rambling but insightful, bourbon and cookie-fueled look into Independence Day. Featuring Mike Russell of the Oregonian and CulturePulp.com, David Walker of Badazzmofo.com, The Famous Scott Dally of GeekintheCity.com, and making his debut on the Cort and Fatboy Midnight Movie Commentary: Cort. This is the theatrical version, so if you’re listening along at home, select the theatrical option on your DVD.

Original location

Teague, Brian, Dorkman, Trey

Not only is this a perfect movie, it’s also the best worldwide destruction film ever made, right out the gate. It’s a good thing Emmerich moved on.

Isaac Asimov’s classic Three Laws of Robotics:

1. A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow his sleek, affordable Audi(R) to come to harm.

2. A robot must obey orders given it by the FedEx corporation except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.

3. Drink More Ovaltine.

Okay fine. So they took a few creative liberties. Such as demoting the main character of the book into the cute, quirky sidekick. And making up the hero and villain out of nowhere. And slapping the name of a hallmark of science fiction onto some script they had lying around. Oh, and of course adding so much shameless product shilling that the ticket ought to have been free. It’s a movie, they’re allowed!

But at least you don’t have to trudge through this dry story of one robot’s journey to humanity alone. Barely 20 seconds will pass by without hearing a hilarious sarcastic comment to lighten the mood, by your friend Will Smith! Oh, and also Chris Hanel, Dave “Danuuc” Atwater, and Todd Gutknecht.

So put on your Converse(R) All-Stars(R), cue up I, Robot and Riff Raff Theater’s riff into your JVC(R) home entertainment system, and laugh ’til it hurts! (Because that’s when your robot will stop you).

Staff Writers:

David Pinkston
Chris Hanel
Dave “Danuuc” Atwater
Todd Gutknecht
James “chaos” Whistler
Brian Tanner

Contributing Writers (thank you!):

Steve-O
Junkyard
Jacob Michael
Erin Grant
Brian Markowski
dignan
Chris Martin
Declan
Hellcat
Doggans
Greg Stevens
Matt Blackwell
Raven
Kevin Schuetz

Editor: David Pinkston

Teague, Dorkman, Lowell, Trey

This week we’re joined by the creator of The Men in Black, Lowell Cunningham. Fortunately the movie based on his comic is awesome, or things would have gotten awkward.

Will Smith and a colorless, odorless brunette battle the evil that is slightly buggy computer programming in this thrilling adaptation of none of Isaac Asimov’s thought-provoking works. For this, the big 50th Tysto audio commentary, I am joined by Scott of Speakeasy Commentaries, a big fan of Asimov’s work and an expert on science fiction in general. We stumble thru the introductions and then get right to the heart of mocking the product placement and the idea that this robot-filled, self-driving-car, Lake-Michigan-landfill world is only 31 years in the future of 2004. We explore sci-fi in general and Asimov in specific, as well as how terrible a driver Detective Spooner is and whether or not Doctor Lanning’s cat is a robot, as well as making some Fresh Prince of Bel-Air jokes.

This is the 34th regular commentary, plus the La Dolce Vita experimental one, plus the 15 commentaries for Firefly. That equals 50 total.

From Speakeasy’s Podcast:

In this episode one half of Speakeasy goes transatlantic and joins forces with Tysto in order to tackle I, Robot. Directed by Alex Proyas and starring Will Smith, a cold emotionless sidekick (played by Bridget Moynahan) and a whole bunch of robots. Was a lot of fun to do this podcast and we cover a whole bunch of topics, so look out for more cross-commentary collaborations!

Tysto

Speakeasy

Teague, Ryan W, Dorkman, Trey

You could earn a doctorate in film theory simply by explaining what went wrong here, and as such, we’re all qualified to operate. This is an autopsy.

Style of Track: Nerd anyone? Before he made crap-fests like “Godzilla” and “10,000 B.C.” (with “The Day After Tomorrow” not far behind), Roland Emmerich hit fanboy worship critical mass with this phenomenon alien invasion thriller where the White House gets blowed up really good. It kind of also launched Will Smith’s movie career, so, you know, big props there.

Let’s not get into the contentious issue of exactly who is Legend. R&B singer John Legend thinks he is Legend; the Tom Cruise movie Legend think it is Legend; “I Am” thinks it’s Legend; and Matthew McConaughey is as certain that he is Legend as he is that his butt looks awesome in bike shorts. (RiffTrax remains neutral, of course, but if RiffTrax was forced to comment, we’d say that Brian Bosworth is Legend.) No matter, the movie making the claim that it is Legend makes a strong case, bringing a pretty slick PowerPoint presentation featuring lots of shirtless Will Smith, a dog that can act, and plenty of slim-hipped digital zombies.

Confronted with it all, Mike, Bill and Kevin slip into their own panic room and unseal a number 10 can of low-sodium whoop-ass (in heavy syrup.)

Hell yeah. Short of the Double Double Damme Damme and the two-part Pearl Harbor BLAST, here is the single longest BLAST ever. 63MB of BLASTin’.

But is it all BLASTin’? Did one of your very own turn to the dark side? Download and find out.

As for the movie… 2 hours and 17 Minutes of Michael Bay’s signature, flat-lit, product-placed, lowest common denominator, quick-cut, plot-light, action “filmmaking”.

Though it’s never been checked, we think it’s probably a cult classic with most coroners.

Ladies and Gentlemen; BLASTphemers; Movie Lovers;

We give you: Wild Wild West.

What can we say, other than thanks for listening, we’ll be back in January, and this movie cost 170 MILLION DOLLARS!!

If you look really close, you will actually see little dollar signs in Will Smith’s eyes every now and then.

In every single one of the 900 million aliens-come-to-earth movies that had come before it the aliens were malevolent, bent on man’s destruction, but Independence Day changed all that. Yes, the alien’s were once again malevolent, but this time Judd Hirsch was in the movie!

Never before had this even been dreamt of, putting Judd Hirsch in a film. It was a brazen move, one almost as stunning as casting Bill Pullman as the president of the United States as opposed to taking the obvious path and casting him as a guy at a Rapid Oil Change who says, “Ahead. Little more. Little more.

Okay, stop.” And never before in screen history had a person named “Vivica” done anything let alone attempt to act credibly in a movie role. Not only that, Independence Day dares to feature one of the most ineffective inspirational speeches since those delivered in a bunker in Berlin in late April 1945.

For ID4, Mike is joined by both Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy, so in the words of Captain Jimmy Wilder, Kick the tires and light the fires!*

*If it wouldn’t be too much trouble. And we’d like to thank you in advance for your anticipated cooperation in our tire kicking, fire lighting scheme.**

**RiffTrax is to be held blameless for any damaged tires, bruised tarsals or burnt property as a result of any tire kicking or fire lighting engaged in by the customer.

NOTE: This RiffTrax commentary works with the THEATRICAL VERSION of Independence Day. Most editions of the DVD come with the Theatrical Cut as an option at the Main Menu.

General slamming of the film due to the massive, plot holes, bad acting and gibberish story. Also discussions on the obscure reference of World War 2

Recorded using the R2 UK version

original location

Ah, another Roland Emmerich film (see Godzilla). Not as bad this time but more than enough plot holes to fly the mothership through. Special guest, my mate Andrew.

Recorded using the R1 US version, Special Extended edition

original location

There is a moment in this movie where an indignant Will Smith berates Eva Mendes for criticizing his job as a “date doctor” by making the point that women are too stupid and shallow to recognize the true qualities of a man. Therefore, men are justified in crafting elaborate lies in order to falsely win their affections. And she eventually agrees with him! Hilarious. There are also numerous jokes highlighting Kevin James’ awkwardness. All totally subtle.