You Will Need: A copy of “The Twilight Saga: New Moon” on DVD, Blu-ray or Digital Copy, an MP3 player or computer for listening, and about 2 hours of free time.

This week we watch New Moon.

In episode 63, the Twilight Newborns do their New Moon commentary. Woot!! Listen as we watch the movie!

So get some popcorn and turn on your tube, turn down the volume and watch New Moon with us!

An audio commentary for the New Line film adaptation of The Golden Compass is something I planned on doing once I completed my Chapter by Chapter feature on the original novel.

Though The Golden Compass is lightyears away from being a perfect movie, on the day I first saw in theatres in 2007, it was my perfect movie and I fell in love with it, in spite of New Line’s efforts to neuter the movie of its religious content and general pressure on the creative team to make this a kids movie rather than an all around good movie that kids would be able to enjoy.

I have a lot to say about this movie, and an audio commentary is the best way I can think of to share my thoughts with other fans.

My commentary is a .MP3 file that can be played in sync with the film, which I’ll be talking over with my own comments, criticisms, reactions, and occasionally a mildly amusing remark.

Though the idea is similar to Mystery Science Theatre or Rifftrax, I’m not trying to be funny with this, I’m just sharing my experience as a His Dark Materials fan and hopefully giving other fans a reason to dust off their copies of The Golden Compass, and perhaps even inject some life into this somewhat stagnant fandom.

If the TwiHard in your life is making you pre-game for watching “Eclipse,” do not suffer alone.  Chris and Andrew further sacrifice their time to ease your suffering.  This track, along with the one for the first movie, was recorded as part of research for a show where Chris and Andrew would argue the “merits” of the series with two rabid fans, however, it never materialized.  Maybe someday.  Until then, stay tuned for future commentary tracks for movies The Warriors actually like.  And, yeah, eventually one for “Eclipse.”  Sheesh.

New Moon DVD Commentary: the long awaited episode. Recorded on 9/25/10

Episode 35: April 5th, 2010

* Our New Moon commentary is here! Listen to this episode while you watch New Moon along with us to hear our thoughts about every line and every scene! Note: You MUST have the New Moon DVD to listen to this episode. You will not be able to hear or see the movie while this show plays. Instructions on how to play the movie and commentary in sync are included at the beginning of this episode. Enjoy!

Watch New Moon the way it was meant to be watched- with people talking over it! And by people we mean us, and by us we mean Angry Gibbons. Consider the talking helpful footnotes with what is wrong with said movie in the first place. And believe me, there is something rotten in Denmark here. (See poster art.)

We are back with a riff of the second- sadly not final- installment of the Twilight saga. After poking, prodding and plumbing the depths of its emo-ness we sat in a chair and stared out a window for three months. It was, like, hard. And we forgot to bathe and stuff.

Somehow we lived through it and now share with you the fruits of our labor. By that we mean this riff, affectionately nicknamed Noom Wen- the perfect companion piece to our TwiRiff of yesteryear. They relate to one another in ways we didn’t know or expect, and this time around we were able to experiment with manipulating ourselves into this movie even more than the first. So listen closely.

What we can guarantee are so many goodies to distract you from the non-action of everything: crapping your pants, Tamagotchis, Gmork from The Neverending Story, Slap Chops, Harry Bongwater and more. And why Haddaway didn’t make it onto the soundtrack? We have no idea.

Enjoy.

ABOUT US: The Angry Gibbons are a small collective based in Minnesota and have been fans of Mystery Science Theater 3000 since they were kids. Now they are fans of Rifftrax and are technically adults. This riff features writing contributions and input from over ten participants but was performed by a core group of four, as well as a robot named Stephen who is learning to feel feelings (unfortunately, he committed suicide before the cast got to Italy). Parts of this riff were performed before a live audience, including a cat and an angry baby.

In this .5 part of episode 90, Nicole, Rachel and Anna present the TAP New Moon Commentary!! THe lost commentary that was supposed to be on the DVD! Sit, relax and watch the movie along with us as we discuss scenes and actually compliment K-Stew!! It’s a sound to behold so listen up Twilight Nation!

Original location

This week Kassie and I are going to put together a commentary that you can listen to while watching New Moon! Tell us what your favorite thing to watch on your DVD is… Go on… Leave your thoughts below!

Much like how in The Godfather the word “Mafia” is never actually spoken, in the Twilight saga’s New Moon, neither the words “furry” nor “bestiality” are ever said by any character, BUT it is what the entire premise of the film is about. Admittedly, most of the world doesn’t really “get” the appeal of being a furry, and Bella is no exception. Jake is a nice enough boy, but once he starts putting on his wolf suit, she accuses him of being “wrong” and quickly runs back to her abuser boyfriend, Edward, who jaunts off to Brazil, where adult prostitution is legal (though he claims this is not germane to his reasoning for leaving). Jake is determined not to be judged for one aspect of his personality, and stages a shirt strike along with his “pack” to ensure people understand the seriousness of their cause.

Also, there’s motorcycle riding.

Back from the original Twilight riff we have Michael T “ubiquitous” Bradley and Kaisha “I hate you so much, Michael” Medford. Also, as “Ari Dennis,” New Moon features the voice talents of Ari “wanna do it with a wolf?” Dennis and Christopher “I just got married!” Alderman.

Our end credits/outtakes montage uses a modified version of the song “RDC lalala y’a des gens qui dansent.” from Flex Blur. It’s copyrighted under a “copyleft” Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike license, info on which can be found here’>http://www.opsound.org/info/license/”>here.

As necessitated by the license, I cannot charge for something that I use one of their songs in, but I can modify and redistribute it, SO the end credits are NOT part of what you’re buying (though they are tacked onto the end of the MP3 just for ease of listening/reauthoring) and can be downloaded for free here.

I’ll warn you, though, if you haven’t listened to the riff, most of that won’t mean anything and/or make sense (listening to the riff does not GUARANTEE either of these things, either, of course…); I would recommend going to OpSound and checking out the tons of cool free stuff there if you want something cool to listen to for free, but you are of course welcome to our remix as long as you follow the rules of the license.

This riff is also hosted at www.holynightmare.com and will eventually, I hope, be hosted at www.iriffs.com. Buy wherever you want. Special thanks and a BIG WOLF HUG to QuipTracks for helping us out here.

Please note: This track is somewhat explicit, so parental advisory is in place. It’s, I would say, about equivalent to an adult swim show, so like a TV-14 or TV-MA.

on Rifftrax

on Quiptracks

Twi-Hard. A once proud word that has been shockingly cheapened by over-use. It used to mean something. These days, any given twelve year old girl with Team Edward wallpaper on her iPhone can be the star of a “Vampire Fever” cover story photo in USA Today. It’s not right. Just because some soccer mom blows two months of grocery funds on an elaborate face tattoo replicating the iconic “Cullen baseball” scene, that DOES NOT make her a real Twi-Hard, okay? It’s something you earn. It’s something you live.

Forgive our emotion on this issue, but it’s just that Mike, Kevin, and Bill are probably the biggest Twilight fans on the planet. Just survey Kristen Stewart’s file of restraining order requests, and see which names pop up the most (Stephenie Meyer’s file is alarmingly similar). So it should surprise no one that these three sparkly warriors trekked to the theater dozens upon dozens of times to feast upon the sweet succulent cinematic nectar that is New Moon. After the fourteenth viewing, the girl at the ticket counter was unable to make eye contact with them, muttering something about “grown men” under her breath. The pimply popcorn vendor filled his friends’ inboxes with texts like “OMG third time today,” while the theater janitor constantly fought the urge to beat them with his mop. In a word: epic.

But the shame they endured, along with the suffering of their long-neglected wives and children, is your gain. Thanks to these endless, obsessive, life-destroying viewings, Mike, Kevin, and Bill are able to present this RiffTrax of New Moon on the eve of its DVD release. Let’s just hope that, now that the ride is over, they can put their lives back together once and for all (they’re not making any more of these movies, right?).

Phillip Pullman’s epic propaganda film has been worked over by at least three different writers, an all star cast and a small crew of disoriented CGI animals. And now this ‘beloved’ film is worked over once again by The Brothers Herman and special guest star, Satan.

Join us on a hourney through a world of talking bears, evil wimples and vagabond Aerosmith fans. Face off against an incompetent world spanning conspiracy, lie to doctors and kings alike, and unlock the mysteries of what lies beneath the bed.

Surgeon General’s Warning: This product may contain Dust. Obsessive Compulsives and closet allergy sufferers are advised to be cautious.

Voices: David and Tom Herman.

Script: David, Tom, and Stephen Herman.

A Q solo effort. This takes in all the fast passed hectic world of high school shenanigans and the pursued of the one true goal….love, no wait, sex. Also pointing out some of the more often overlooked moments and themes.

Recorded using the R2 UK version

original location